Domestic Discipline CONSENT: DD is 100% Consensual

Without Consent, there is no Domestic Discipline Relationship Foundation. It's that simple. Consent is the 1st of the 3C's of The DD Foundation. A Domestic Discipline lifestyle dynamic begins with both partners fully consenting to move forward, research and infuse the DD relationship choice into an existing or a new happy coexistence.

 
If in the beginning, or at any time afterward, one partner is unsure of the Consent to any of the DD style roles, goals, guidelines or rules being considered, patient care must be taken to re-negotiate and communicate until both partners agree 100% and understand the subject completely so they can fully give their consent. This may mean several or many discussions. If both people don't agree and give full consent, then the subject is tabled for the following Sit Down Discussion (SitDD) or scheduled for a later SitDD. If a certain subject in question is not resolved and full consent of both partners is not given, the particular aspect is not implemented into the relationship.


Care during discussion is important for many reasons while working toward Consent. There are people who have new and old secrets even from their long time spouse or partner. While one person may want a DD ethos in their relationship, they may be unaware that their partner has dealt with personal issues that may surface while talking about the possibility of including anything to do with spanking or discipline in general.
Pushing forward and implementing something without consent is a form of abuse. It may be emotional abuse or if it has to do with anything in the area of spanking it can be considered physical abuse. If you cross this line and try to use "DD" as an excuse to manipulate someone or gain your own agenda, then you have left the Domestic Discipline description of what is commonly accepted as a DD relationship.

 Yes, the HoH has the responsibility to make the final decision on most issues or ideas that concern the relationship. But, this area of a DD lifestyle choice is not one of those areas. A persons physical being and emotional needs are their own at all times. A HoH or TiH may want a certain aspect they have read or seen in someone else's relationship, but that does not override Consent by both partners. This includes all Domestic Discipline relationship ethos including CDD based on biblical readings or scripture. If someone points to a biblical passage in order to control or manipulate another person to do something against their will, is not applicable in a DD style choice or  acceptable in any relationship. If both partners agree and completely consent, then it can be implemented into the relationship. Otherwise the relationship is based on control, manipulation and borders on or falls into emotional abuse.

The absolute and definitive importance of Consent can not be overstated. Domestic Discipline as a respectful relationship lifestyle choice is based on many open and honest aspects of a growing and loving union of thoughts, ideas, desires and personally emotional needs. Coming to agreements between two people is not always easy, often difficult, but monumentally important to a tranquil DD Home. Each individual has their own idea of what is acceptable at a specific time. These ideas can and do change over time. Domestic Discipline as it is is with most relationships, change and grow not only through time, but also with ever changing influences. These influences that include changing home life expectations and outside responsibilities can be a compelling force that effect the actions, opinions and behaviors within the relationship. Continuing and building communication techniques is vital to Consent in a Domestic Discipline lifestyle foundation because of the fluid and ever changing lives we live.

Consent is active, based on the agreed Power Exchange in the relationship, an ongoing choice that effects both partners and a growing and living process.

* Consent is active because it can be suspended at anytime for any reason and both parties need to understand that and agree before pursuing a DD style relationship choice. It is only activated or re-activated by 100% Consent, and can be deactivated by 1% non-consent.  

* Consent is part of the Power Exchange dynamic. DD is different then a Master/slave relationship choice and while there is a more Dominant partner and a more submissive style partner, it is usually more defined then a general D/s relationship.  There is consistent negotiation and an agreed upon distribution of leadership and support in a DD Lifestyle Foundation. The HoH does have final say, but only after discussion and negotiation to reach agreement has been fully addressed.

* Consent and DD as a relationship foundation is a choice. I often tell people when they write to me that DD is not for everyone. They ask how to get their partner on board with the idea. When people talk about Consent vs abuse, they usually think it's the Dominant person controlling the submissive one into something. Surprisingly, more often then not, it's the TiH style individual who is trying to figure out either an honest, or sometimes manipulating way to get their partner to agree. Either way, I suggest that they sit down and read this ADDS site together. But, if their partner doesn't agree, they can't and should never be forced into anything they don't feel comfortable with. It's their choice too.

* Consent is a process. DD takes a plan and process to move forward and grow. Consent is the most important piece that all other pieces of an elaborate and intricate relationship puzzle connect with both directly and indirectly. I would highly suggest that at the end of each SitDD, there is a short reaffirmation of Consent. A simple short statement to one another reaffirming the love, commitment and consent it takes to grow in all aspects of your DD lifestyle choice. 

                 

Related reading and research

Where to Start: Beginning your DD Lifestyle Together > ADDS Free DD Lifestyle Guide

* Domestic Discipline Foundation: The 3Cs of DD
* How to Start DD Research (Series)
Domestic Discipline Marriage: Beginning A Domestic Discipline Marriage 
 Domestic Discipline Relationship Characteristics: Ethics are a Key to DD
 Domestic Discipline Key to DD: Patience