Spanking, Disciplinary Spanking, Punishment Spanking, Experiment Spanking & Safe-Words

In the beginning of your Domestic Discipline dynamic, the word spanking and how to implement a  consensual spanking are hot topics. As with most aspects of Domestic Discipline, communication is more important then anything else. With that in mind...

How a Head of Household (HoH) spanks their Taken in Hand (TiH) partner is more about communication then the actual act of giving a spanking. The terminology early on in a couples DD relationship is important. Spanking styles and when they are implemented are vital tools to the experienced HoH. If the only terms used are "Maintenance" and "Punishment" the HoH will begin to fence themselves in and lose the variation of tools available to them later in their learning process and even later as they and their TiH become more experienced.

When beginning to spank, keep the atmosphere light and open to communication and discussion. I talk about it, so I am often asked if there are really such styles of spanking as Playful Spanking and Experiment Spanking. The answer is yes, absolutely yes. Experienced couples will tell you that it's advised to keep communication lines open during the first spanking sessions.
New people learning about DD might want to have an instant HoH or TiH. That will not happen. I can tell you from years of experience working with new single people in a relationship and married couples, the beginning of your DD dynamic will be more successful if the partners involved understand ahead of time that there is a definite learning curve and some mistakes will be made. The HoH & TiH will go through ups and downs emotionally as they learn, but don't allow mistakes to be made when first learning to spank. If you expect the spanking sessions to be perfect right from the beginning there's a very high probability of disappointment. If someone is expected to deliver a Punishment Spanking, who has never heard of DD or being a HoH until recently, to delivering a proper consensual Punishment Spanking free of  mistakes, that's like asking someone who has never seen a hammer to build a house. 
Domestic Discipline begins as a new relationship foundation. Before you begin framing and building your DD home, you need a smooth, level and solid foundation first. The Keys to DD are your foundation. Communication, Honesty, Forgiveness, Confessing mistakes, building Trust, patiently learning your new roles... the list goes on and on.  Start with communication through Sit Down Discussions.
Am I suggesting the absence of spanking? No. But first plant the SSEEDD. 
"Speaking before Spanking, Experience through Experiment, & Discussion before Discipline"
Accountability, structure and discipline need to become part of the DD dynamic by building communication skills, consistency, leadership, positive reinforcement, consequences and yes... Spanking skills! It's significant for a HoH to build a toolbox full of different and varying spanking styles as options to have at the their disposal. It's just as critical for the HoH to communicate clearly and verbalize their intentions to their TiH using understandable and recognizable terminology. If a new HoH calls a Maintenance Spanking a Punishment, where do they go from there as time passes? They have just fused two useful and essential tools that are completely different into only one. Maintenance Spanking is a scheduled time based tool that is not a punishment. A Punishment Spanking is something that is used sparingly and later in the Progression of Discipline as a corrective measure. 
Creating a clear progression of Disciplinary Actions through scheduled DD focused discussion is crucial to the early and continuing structure on a consensual DD foundation. Without a consensually agreed upon foundation, there is no DD dynamic. So, why jump from one partner recently "Coming Out" to expecting an experienced partner. Work on the essentials first.

Experiment Spanking becomes a key element to building the consensual and effective part of your progression of agreed upon spanking skills and communication. This also alleviates any unwarranted expectations on the HoH to perform a spanking like someone their TiH might have been reading about. It creates one of the DD Beginning Points that they have now established in their own relationship. During an Experiment Spanking, it's expected that there's communication back and forth. The HoH is not only free to ask questions, they're expected to ask whatever they feel is helpful and useful to the later Progression of Discipline and their loved ones Tolerance levels.  
For example: "What does this feel like on a scale of 1 to 10? {Single Swat/multiple swats}
"What does that same intensity feel like here on a scale of 1 to 10 {certain spot on the bottom - Single/Multiple Swat} Compared to here? {different spot - Single/Multiple Swat}
Progress to timed spanking with increasing rapidity, intensity and time.

The first Experiment Spankings may seem a little pedestrian at first but with any experimentation you'll need to create a base level to begin. The new HoH will not only begin learning about their partners tolerance levels, but also make a mental note of the TiHs body language and verbalization used at particular times and intensities. From there move along as quickly as communication and tolerance allow. Remember to also experiment with Aftercare techniques, spanking positions and each time a new implement is introduced. Take the easy to use 1 to 10 scale and apply it to your discussion while reading and rereading the articles Progression of Discipline, and Tolerance LaDDer.
While developing your progression from Warning/lecture, Non-Spanking, to Spanking, Disciplinary Spanking and Punishment Spanking, you'll notice that Punishment isn't taken lightly and is a tool that is used later in the Progression of Discipline. I would highly suggest refraining from using the "Punishment" word lightly, or a HoH allowing a TiH to use it loosely. It can create an "all or nothing" attitude. Moving from patiently learning to jumping ahead to an all out Punishment and back and forth can spread to other areas while learning about Domestic Discipline practices. One week will feel like everything is working wonderfully, the next feels like it's not working all, the following week there's frustration or possibly some feelings of resentment or confusion and just not as submissive or Dominant as one or both partners would like. 
Progress naturally and patiently by having a plan and sticking to it.
When someones been warned or Non Spanking tools have been used, it's alright to call a Spanking a Spanking. It's also normal for TiH to ask for a Spanking of one variation or another. There are different levels of Spanking. Use them and experiment. 
By the time a TiH has possibly moved up the Progression, there will have been time to use several or many Experiment Spanking sessions and the newer HoH will have a better understanding of their partners tolerance and had time to start developing their own Spanking skills and Aftercare techniques. Moving patiently forward will build more confidence then rushing into uncharted territory too quickly.

When the time does come that the TiH has progressed to deserving a Disciplinary Spanking for the first time, there should have been communication after the last Spanking, warning the TiH what should be expected next. That is followed up at the next Sit Down Discussion. It's also highly suggested to begin discussing the use of two Safe-Words and to have them in place at this point in the Progression. Use of a Safe-Word in no way is to be used by the TiH as a way to try and usurp the HoHs authority. A TiHs honesty and true nature could be tested here. But, it is important to keep the lines of communication and consensual agreement at the forefront as the HoH continues learning and moves toward implementing Discipline. It is just as important for the HoH to know the TiH has the Safe-Words. There are many times when a TiH will feel the need to go to a submissive place within, and to call out or even say "please stop" or "that's enough, I've learned my lesson" or anything along those lines without intending on needing the Spanking or Discipline to stop. The release of tears is also not a Safe-Word. This is where it becomes essential that the TiH and HoH have had discussions about proper use of a Safe-Word, and during the Disciplinary Action the HoH will understand that their TiH is expressing their feelings verbally or through tears without needing the Spanking/Discipline to stop. The HoH is within their consensual agreement to continue until they know Disciplinary Spanking is complete (just slightly beyond the last Spanking given for that particular transgression), or the Safe-Word is used. When a Safe-Word is used, it is always, always respected.
The most common Safe-Words are "Yellow" and "Red"
Yellow for a momentary needed time to communicate something in particular and it's then the HoHs decision to continue or not after an appropriate amount of time to allow communication. Red is a stop right then, not to be continued. Period.
Beginning to use Safe-Words when approaching Disciplinary Spanking will be invaluable when the time does arise for a real Punishment Spanking. Discontinuing the use of Safe-Words can of course be discussed after both partners are comfortable with their Progression of Discipline and especially Tolerance levels and the HoHs confidence through experience and learned spanking skills.

There was a lot of ground to cover in this article that could have easily been several articles or posts! I have recently been posting more DD Resource style posts and wanted to get back to one of the things I enjoy, sharing Information Articles. Of course the information provided is done as friendly advice based on experience and time tested DD practices. I have received quite a few emails recently asking for a particular DD topic or question to be shared in an article here on ADDS. I noticed there was a a few that had a similar thread linking them together and they could be answered within the logical process and progression of this site. So I decided to bring them together in a single path of information. I will be coming back at a later date and writing separate articles for some of the practices and ideas presented above. Also for Edge Spanking, Clean Slate Spanking, Therapeutic/Cathartic, Stress Relief, Erotic, Sensual, Role Play, Fantasy and Playful Spanking to name a few.

If you haven't read these yet:  * DD Lifestyle Guide

* Keys to DD

Communication is a Key to DD

Progression of Discipline

The Tolerance LaDDer

Maintenance Spanking