Domestic Discipline Honesty

Honesty is one of the "Keys" that unlocks a door to your successful Domestic Discipline relationship dynamic. As it was mentioned in the Domestic Discipline Confession article published within the ADDS series Keys to a Domestic Discipline Relationship, being honest and confessing or "coming clean" are vital to a successful DD dynamic.


“A 'No' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.” - Mahatma Gandhi

HONESTY is a Two Way Street.
Have you ever told a little white lie? Little lies are all too common in relationships of every kind. Confessing to a loved one can be highly emotive, especially if the untruth has been there from the beginning or was left as an omitted piece of information for a long time. Usually someone feels that if they confess a past omission or manipulation it can hurt the relationship or make it more difficult for their partner to trust them in the future. The bare truth is, honesty leads to honesty. Revealing a past mistake to the one you love can have a highly cathartic effect and will often lead to their own feelings of mutual trust and honesty. Honesty leads both partners to a more open and intimate discussion and communication dynamic. There can be a positive "snow ball" effect where it becomes easier through time to become more and more open.

Another "key" to a Domestic Discipline relationship is Forgiveness. It's important to reflect more deeply on the effect forgiveness has on honesty and confessing at this time. When someone admits they made a mistake within the past day or two and ask for help or forgiveness it can be a easier for the one being told to be forgiving. The recipient of the truth will invariably place a degree of importance on the confession. We've all done it. We may simply think, "well that wasn't so bad", "it only happened yesterday" or  possibly the "Oh my God! You've been keeping that secret for HOW long?" It's the last one that the person sharing the truth fears the most. So, maybe the person who is being confessed to needs to take a moment and understand that the worse they think the confession is to them, is also a gauge of how difficult that was to tell you! I'll put it this way. If it's something that is difficult for you to hear, just imagine how highly difficult it must have been to actually say! It is vitally important to have a calm demeanor at this time.

If you feel like your confession is so larger that it will possibly end your relationship, I would suggest considering seeking out a professional counselor. If your are told about anything you feel has the possibility of ending your relationship, I would suggest considering seeking out a professional counselor.

If you're the one confessing, remain calm and understand beforehand that you might not receive the reaction you wanted right from the beginning. That doesn't mean the the eventual outcome won't be freeing, cathartic and lead to the growth of honesty in your relationship. It's suggested that you have a plan of action for forgiveness and rebuilding trust before making a huge confession.

If you're the one being confessed to, be empathetic. No one is perfect and that means you too. Remember your relationship might not be free of all of the old remnants of past habits that you are both trying to break away from. Your partner must understand the need for growth and honesty if they are willing to trust you enough to come to you and open up about something difficult for them to share. The growth of honest communication can begin and be solidified with this opportunity. Yes, I said opportunity. This can be viewed as an opportunity to grow within your DD relationship role by showing patience and an understanding of your partners needs. They trusted you enough to tell you. Let your love be strong enough to know how difficult that was.

About 10 years ago, one of the couples I have had the honor of helping with their DD dynamic came to an impasse while having a Sit Down Discussion (SitDD) focused specifically on the DD Key of Honesty, but went on to include Confession & Forgiveness within their SitDD.  They came up with a variation to an ADDS Communication tool. Using the Tolerance Ladder as an Honesty communication tool. 
Have you mentioned something in the past and you thought it was a small confession, but your partner thought it was monumental? What is your tolerance for hearing something difficult or receiving feedback that you didn't imagine? What is your partners long term tolerance for hearing the truth even if they don't initially react well?
Basically, is there a large gap between what one person feels is a low end confession compared to what their partner thinks is a high end confession? 
Plan ahead. Think back on a time where you told your partner something you thought would be very hard to tell them, and also very hard for them to hear. Did they react the way you imagined they would? Did you react well or badly to their initial reaction?
Building the framework upon your DD foundation is very important. Even if there is nothing to confess at the moment, it's suggested that you build within your relationship a basic framework of "How To" confess and what are acceptable predetermined reactions within the Power Exchange of your relationship. 
To foster continued growth, use and modify existing tools that break down walls and build bridges within your relationship.

We have shared often about the importance of DD Communication techniques and how consistently having Sit Down Discussions become an integral communication tool within your successful DD relationship. 

This week we would also like to share a DD Community Sit Down Discussion.
HoHs: Have a SitDD with your TiH partner based on:

1) The importance of Honesty in your DD relationship dynamic.
2) Build the framework & bridge for honestly Confessing 
3) The importance of Forgiveness after confession

If you would like to share to help others learn that would be appreciated.
Share here, a blog or email through Contact MrBB tab with your results or if you need assistance.   
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Honesty is a "Key" to a successful Domestic Discipline lifestyle dynamic.

Related Reading & Research:
Where to Start: Beginning your DD Lifestyle Together > ADDS Free DD Lifestyle Guide
Coming Out about Spanking & Domestic Discipline Desires
How to Start DD Research (Series)Domestic Discipline Marriage: Beginning A Domestic Discipline Marriage 

This article is the latest in a continuing series titled: KEYS to a Domestic Discipline Relationship
All of these below also make excellent SitDD topics.
1) Communication is a Key to DD
2) Domestic Discipline Honesty
3) Domestic Discipline Confession
4) Domestic Discipline Aftercare
5) Domestic Discipline Forgiveness
6) Domestic Discipline Relationship Characteristics: Ethics are a Key to DD
7) Domestic Discipline Key to DD: Patience

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