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How to Start Domestic Discipline Research: What is DD to Me Resource & Eliminating Confusion

How to identify as a Head of Household (HoH) or Taken in Hand (TiH) is an individual choice. Domestic Discipline is a relationship paradigm that is often, but not exclusively, spoken and written about as being part of a committed relationship dynamic. There are DD explanations shared that are specific to gender, religious preference, sexual preference or are defined by relationship choice or marital status even though the lifestyle of Domestic Discipline is free of such boundaries. So I'm often asked how to research Domestic Discipline. How to live your life is your choice. How to identify yourself is your choice. How to start your DD research is too.

People can identify as a Head of Household (HoH) or Taken in Hand (TiH) and be single, married or whatever other choice they decide. There are explanations available describing how someone lives their own life or what DD is to them in their one relationship. The explanations that include how one person or couple live their life can be helpful but that doesn't have to define how you live your life or foresee living the Domestic Discipline lifestyle dynamic in the future. Look for the commonalities and not the differences when beginning to read about Domestic Discipline. It's true that a HoH can be the husband, and often is the husband, in a DD relationship. It's also true that DD can be entered into after a couple is married if both partners are in 100% agreement of who the HoH is, and who the TiH is, and what the (Power Exchange) agreed upon degree of leadership is regardless of gender. Single people can also enter into a dating process where they are looking for someone they're attracted to on many levels. One of the desirable attributes a person might be seeking is a possible partner who compliments their leadership or dominant nature. Another may be looking for a person who will coincide beautifully with their supportive, nurturing or more submissive nature. They are simply seeking their relationship match and in some cases their DD Relationship Match.

There is so much more available generally about DD over the past few years, and many more people who are looking for solid, experienced and clear information about the semantics of a DD relationship dynamic. There's a boom in interest and those seeking more and more varied information about Domestic Discipline as a lifestyle choice. When many of us with experience first started dating, cultivating relationships or got married, the terminology Domestic Discipline didn't even exist. But the relationship dynamic has always been there. Call it what you may... what we know now as DD, has always been a choice and people have been seeking their individual relationship match since the beginning of time.
It's only natural that there are those who posses the characteristics of a HoH or TiH before they know there is something called Domestic Discipline. When information about Domestic Discipline is found, it can be enlightening to see that there are millions of people interested in similar ideas and you are not alone! The nagging little questions like, "Am I normal" and "Are there other people like me?" are answered. 

Allow me to share a little story. Imagine if you will, that you have never tasted "cake"
You walk past a bakery and smell something that is wonderful. The next day you walk by and have to go in to investigate and see what is emanating this enticing aroma. The following day you not only go inside you have to have a taste! And you experience the aroma texture and flavors of something so wonderful that you have to have more and learn more about it. Where has this been all of your life!
After some time you decide you want to learn how to bake your own cake. You research how to start baking a cake. You find a recipe that works and is something that tastes just as you like it. But could there be ideas to improve this cake? You decide to communicate with other bakers with a like mind and find... there is an endless number of people who seem just like you! They seem to be mostly very caring and helpful people. You dive in and immerse yourself in all the new information. Many of the people are about as new as you, others are either experienced cake bakers, or people who just like to bake in general, or those who just want to eat the cakes others bake, some are there to sell cakes, a few are lost and stumbled in looking for something else, etc etc etc.... and all at once everyone starts telling you how to bake a cake!
This becomes very confusing and you notice everyone has their own recipe and add flavors and ingredients you may or may not like, some use too much sugar, others don't use flour, some just want to share recipes, others want to sell their recipe, one is making what looks like bread to you but they insist that it's cake, some just want to play with the ingredients and this goes on & on until you realize you wrote down a recipe and still have it at home.
Your recipe has all the flavors you like. After reviewing your recipe you realize some of the ideas you heard made sense through all the confusion and might make your cake a little better so you include them in your own recipe. MMmmm and that is good! Other ideas you're unsure about, some might be alright for a different cake later and some ideas are best left for recipes you haven't even considered and may never consider.
The moral of this story? 
You can have your cake and eat it too... just have your own recipe before you turn on the oven :) 

You have found "Domestic Discipline" What's next?

Take stock of why you personally feel this relationship style suits you. This is a good time, but not the only time, to write or type out your feelings. What are the first aspects of this choice that interest you most. A personal honest self reflection of the core values you posses and seek is a helpful tool if and when things seem a little confusing later in your research and further along in your journey. Because there is a myriad of information available, it often happens that things become a little or very confusing. It's at those times when the "What is DD to Me" resource and will become a very useful tool to clear the confusion, redirect and reset you on your own individual path. Married couples or couples in a committed relationship can individually do the same by working on their HoH/TiH Characteristics, sharing them and creating their own DD Relationship Core Values. Either way, it's important to know why you as an individual have connected with the DD dynamic and what is it about this relationship style that interests you most. Having a resource to help you remember in the future what had eventually led you toward finding more information about Domestic Discipline, will alleviate confusion as you continue to research and grow.
If you're single or haven't Come Out about DD to your partner, the information gathered in your What is DD to Me resource, file, list etc, will be a wealth of very useful information when you meet your special someone or decide it's time to Come Out about DD to your loved one, partner or spouse.
As you're reading and researching, include a list along with what you write about your feelings as part of the What is DD to Me resource. The list consists of the different places, practices and ideas you find. It's helpful if you categorize the list. It can be as simple as you would like. Here's one example:

*      Like       Unsure      Maybe Later      Probably Not       *

Like - This one is easy. You like the ideas or feeling you get while reading or thinking about how and what is being expressed fits in with your own thoughts.
Unsure - You're unsure of the terminology, practice of what is being shared but it seems like something worth continued research.
Maybe Later - The information, practice, terminologies don't feel like they fit right now, but are worth another look or some further research in the near future.
Probably Not - Info, terms & practices don't feel like they fit right now and may or may not fit in the future. But it's worth keeping as a possible information resource in the future.

As you continue to formulate your What is DD to Me resource, keep looking for more & more information with an open mind and start finding resources you connect with personally. Try not to discount something based solely on one post, a word or terminology and simply find places to learn that share their "domestic discipline" views free of judgement. As long as the information shared speaks to you as a person, it really won't matter in the distant future if they're married, single or from Venus! You will inevitably find sites, blogs, discussion groups and chat rooms that have a widely varied view of how people live their life, lifestyle and DD dynamic within their own hearts and relationships.
I would suggest continuing to research free of judgement. Just because someone lives their DD life differently then you imagine living your own, that doesn't mean they don't have very helpful information to share about the foundation of their DD dynamic. After all, if whatever someone else is doing is working for them in their relationship, that's their choice. There are two difficulties that may surface. The first is when someone dictates that their view is the right one, includes boundaries or implies you're living or learning about DD wrong, or you're not living "true" DD or real DD etc etc etc.... this insinuates they feel they're version is the only right, real or true version. Another difficulty, and one that was once a much larger problem then it is today, is if you find someone who confines your learning process. If someone who is not your chosen partner dictates or tells you not to read somewhere, or about something they don't agree with, it might be seen as a red flag. Both cases are a nice way of saying you may have found someone either uneDDucated, very new, having a bad day or at least slightly judgmental. That doesn't mean they don't have at least some useful information. I would suggest continuing to read or chat with an open mind and look for common denominators instead of differences. Ask for clarification. You may or may not agree, but it's interesting to learn how other people approach Domestic Discipline. This approach will also help your research to remain open to new ideas that you can then or later decide is, or is not, part of your own view. Since you have your personal What is DD to Me resource there's no longer the need to worry about too much info becoming confusing. Simply step back and reset using your new resource. As vital as it is to remain open minded while researching what ideas work for you, it's just as important to learn what ideas do not fit into your own dynamic.

People live their DD lives differently. This means there is research involved in finding your own understanding of how you would like to live your DD lifestyle dynamic within your life. This is one of the beautiful aspects of DD. It takes a process and a plan along with an open mind. It takes time, patience and an open mind. Research is an integral part of the process. Remember there may be a time in the future when you might will be the one someone else looks to for help, guidance or friendly advice. Will you have the knowledge to open you mind and hand to help them find their own way? Or close your thoughts and hand to point & tell only one opinion? The benefits of self realization are immense, the happiness felt through helping others and freely sharing those benefits with an open mind are endless.
You have just read the 1st in this DD Research Series.
2nd: Domestic Discipline Lifestyle Research: How To Start Reaching Out & Communicating Online
3rd: Domestic Discipline Lifestyle Mentor: How To Seek a DD Mentor
4th: Taken in Hand View of HoH Role - One TiH View of HoH Role
Related Reading Links:
Coming Out about Spanking & Revealing Domestic Discipline Desires
Beginning Domestic Discipline Plan & Process
Domestic Discipline Relationship Characteristics
Domestic Discipline Lifestyle Definition
Keys to DD (Series)
Beginning DD (Series)
Free DD Lifestyle Guide


  1. Theres always such great information here, thanks so much for sharing!

  2. Thank you Kenzie!
    And, I'm enjoying your new blog, you're off to a wonderful start!
    Welcome to the community :)

  3. I absolutely love this! I needed this very much! thank you so much for sharing. I am excited to start this journey!

    1. You are so welcome Star Shine! I'm sure you'll find ADDS, and this wonderful community, to be a helpful compass to assist you along your journey :)


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