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Progression of Discipline

Moving From Discussion to Spanking

Disciplinary Actions                                                         
I think it's important to interject at this time what the Progression of Discipline is like in a DD lifestyle relationship. The information in this post is meant for discussion between new and existing HoHs and TiHs. I noticed while rereading this that I am writing mainly to the HoHs. >>>>>

In life when someone makes a mistake for the first time it's never looked at as seriously as the second time the same mistake is made. Of course the third time the same mistake is looked at much more seriously then the second and so the progression continues. When a pattern of misbehavior begins progressing in a relationship, it usually leads to an erosion of the feelings that brought a couple together to begin with. Also, if goals and aspirations are going unfulfilled in a relationship is can cause discontent or unhappiness.

When a first misdeed occurs in a DD relationship it should be viewed and dealt with as just that, only a first time. Many DD couples believe a Warning or soft scolding and reminding the submissive partner what will occur the next time it happens is the appropriate response at this time. Depending on the situation and what has been discussed at your Sit Down Discussions (SitDD), there may also be a Non Spanking DA included or possibly a low level Spanking.

Second transgression progresses to a scolding and a Non Spanking Disciplinary Action (DA) and a Spanking. The level, length and intensity of the Spanking depends on the first misdeed and the Warning given at that time. A newer HoH might think it's being more fair to add additional Warnings before continuing to a Spanking. Over warning and not following through on the past warning can lead to confusion on the part of the TiH and a decline in the HoHs authority and credibility within the relationship. Say what you mean, and definitely mean what you say. Period. Warn once with a clear and defined explanation of what will happen the next time. Then if "next time" happens, follow through completely.
It's also important to remember not to over discipline right away either. If every misdeed results in a highly strict discipline then there isn't a fair and caring progression and it may seem like the HoH is just looking for any reason to spank and not as interested in the TiHs well being and happiness as they work gradually toward their goals and aspirations.   

Third offense progresses to a Spanking or Disciplinary Spanking. Depending on the offense, a recent warning and your SitDDs it could be up to the level of a low, mid or high level Disciplinary Spanking. A third offense usually includes Non Spanking DAs implemented before and after the appropriate Disciplinary Action. Before, or at the very beginning of a Spanking or Disciplinary Spanking remind the TiH of the past Warning and exactly why it is happening. I would recommend calmly and firmly scolding and reminding your TiH partner what is about to happen. I usually apply a Non Spanking DA like Corner Time or they're sent to the bedroom to prepare for their spanking/discipline and contemplate why they made the particular mistake. After the Disciplinary Action is complete, and before or during a Non Spanking DA begins it's a good time to again remind the TiH of why they were Spanked or Disciplined and ask what measures they are going to incorporate so the Progression of Discipline does not proceed to Punishment. Taking into account their ideas and responses, it's a good time to put in place a new Warning that clearly defines what will happen next if past behavior continues. Then during Aftercare, reassure your loved one that everything is alright, and you will help them reach their goal or improve the behavior.

When and if the same offense is crossed for a fourth time within a reasonable time frame, it has Progression of Discipline by now is a high level Disciplinary Spanking or most likely a Punishment Spanking. The TiH needs to be clearly reminded of the last Warning received, the agreed upon outcome if the Warning was not adhered to, and the Punishment that was agreed upon ahead of time should be reiterated right before the Punishment Spanking. There is also a longer and more time consuming Non Spanking Disciplinary Action before and afterward. Because of the intensity of a Punishment, immediately afterward Aftercare begins. In addition to everything that has happened after the third offense, Aftercare after a Punishment Spanking deserves to be much longer and the calm caring discussion about the measures discussed after the third infraction should take place only after your loved one is completely calm.
Obviously,  the Punishment Spanking is much more serious. If needed, the implements(s) need to be discussed ahead of time during weekly SitDDs and be included during the Warning after the third offense.
Depending on your TiHs Tolerance Level a Punishment Spanking might need to be maintained over an additional day or days.  See the second part of the description for Maintenance Spanking in the Glossary.

 The Progression of Discipline in a DD relationship is a positive part of the learning process and not something used to find fault and look for a reason to control or excuse to micro manage. The balance within each couples Progression of Discipline is something that takes time and communication and is an important part of your daily communication and scheduled Sit Down Discussions.

General Progression of Discipline

Non Spanking Disciplinary Action (DA)
Disciplinary Spanking
Punishment Spanking

* Non Spanking DAs do not have to fall in exact succession in the Progression of Discipline, and are usually used at the HoHs discretion. They are commonly applied alone, before, after or during a DA.

* Non Spanking and all Spanking style discipline are considered Disciplinary Actions (DA)  

* The HoH Rule, or the TIHs goal or area of concern brought forward by the TiH needs to be discussed ahead of time and at the SitDD. It should also be in the TiHs Discipline Diary. After each new action or warning, the DDiary needs to be updated with all the new information.

* In the Progression of Discipline, Warm Up Spanking is not mentioned. In the ADDS philosophy of the DD lifestyle it's understood that Warm Ups are a pre Disciplinary Action, or not used when real discipline is needed. How each couple or individual use Warm Ups is up to them, their prior discussions or how the HoH sees the need at that moment depending on the situation. 

Next article in the series: The Tolerance LaDDer / ADDS 30pts of Reference, A Communication Tool 

First in the series was: Where to Start / Beginning Your DD Lifestyle Together


  1. Anonymous10/29/2012

    A a suggestion please write a blog on impliments. I've read your blog but didn't see anything on that. Thankyou in advance!

  2. This might be better placed on the Kudos and Comments tab at the top of the page. :) So, since it's a good suggestion, I'll answer it there so as not to send this post off topic. Follow me there!

  3. CrisDP7/18/2015

    I have been reading and reading and reading about DD for 4 months now and I believe this to be the best article I have read yet. My HoH and I need this clarification exactly at this time. Thank you for all that you do!

  4. Is there information here on the difference between spankings? What a disaplinary vs punishment spanking is?


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