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Defining Domestic Discipline / Domestic Discipline Lifestyle Definition

Defining set idioms, fundamentals and practices of DD as a lifestyle choice is never an easy endeavor. Domestic Discipline is one of the more widely misunderstood relationship dynamics within the alternative lifestyle community. Mainly, because if it's not the lifestyle choice one leads, then they naturally don't study it and search deeply into varying interpretations. And there are many variations and denotations of Domestic Discipline.

The lifestyle of DD lends itself  to open interpretation and is individualized by each person learning, or each couple starting or continuing to learn, about this ever unfolding and growing lifestyle choice. That's one of the beauties of the DD lifestyle. People change and evolve through time and with continued knowledge and communication their DD lifestyle develops along with them. This is one of the attributes that draw people to the concept of DD and is also the main reason why it is sometimes misunderstood. If someone reads some articles or follows a blog for a few months to a year they feel they might have a general idea. But not all DD information online is written in an open, non-judgmental format and developed for ALL variations of  DD as a consensual lifestyle choice. It is difficult to find definitive information and descriptions of  Domestic Discipline terminologies, tools, concepts and practices that can then be developed into a solid foundation for a DD lifestyle dynamic. Often there are descriptions used that are fenced in by gender, religious preference, sexual preference or are relationship specific. The lifestyle of Domestic Discipline is free of such boundaries. And especially when first learning about how to begin or seek a DD relationship, it is best approached as a relationship theory rather then a predetermined "one size fits all" set of rules.   
DD is meant as a foundation to be built upon and rebuilt over and over as we grow and continue to learn through the years. When there's a solid foundation there can be renovations and additions built to better fit our growing needs. 

I would like to share the Domestic Discipline description that has been around for many years. It was specifically developed to be short, to the point and open to interpretation.  And is not defined by gender, religion, sexual preference or relationship style.

A Domestic Discipline Society (ADDS) / Domestic Discipline Description:
(Originally Published 2006)

A Domestic Discipline Lifestyle Definition
Domestic Discipline (DD) as a relationship lifestyle choice, is consensual.

Domestic Discipline is the consensual practice of a subtle Dominant and submissive type of lifestyle dynamic, with the emphasis on the relationship first.
The more Dominant partner is known as the Head of Household (HoH). The more submissive partner is Taken in Hand (TiH). When implemented ideally, DD is the caring, consensual, consistently fair use of structure, accountability and discipline as a loving and positive way to enhance communication, deepen intimacy and reinforce relationship commitment. The discipline normally includes one of many styles of disciplinary actions or measures, but first centers around rules of behavior asked for by one partner and agreed to by the other.
Only after Consent has been established and Communication is Consistent, open and honest, are the ideas of Disciplinary Actions or any type of punitive ideas discussed.

The degree of power given to the HOH varies. Some couples may choose to have only a few agreed upon rules with set consequences, while others choose for the HOH to have a more encompassing leadership role.
The most important detail to note is that there is no one set way to live the lifestyle and each couple modifies it to meet their needs. Furthermore, the lifestyle is always entered upon with a consensual agreement between the partners. Couples outline the specific terms they have agreed upon so that there is no confusion.

Spanking styles include- OTK, Erotic, Sensual, Maintenance, Reminder, Therapeutic, Cathartic, Playful, and varying degrees of Disciplinary Action & Punishment spankings to name only a few.

Some Common Implements- HAND, smaller OTK style paddles & more conventional paddles of all styles, Hairbrush, Wooden Spoon to name a few of the most common. Depending on the couple implements may also include Leather straps, Belt, Cane… or anything the couple decides to bring into their lifestyle.

Other Disciplinary Actions might include, corner time, time-out, sent to room, revocation of privileges, writing lines etc… 

Again, it depends on each specific relationship/household.

What is purposely not defined in this description will elicit the questions that come to mind after reading it. Patiently seeking the answers to those questions will become the foundation and building blocks that will create your Domestic Discipline home.

To reiterate: Because of the open nature of  Domestic Discipline as a consensual lifestyle choice, it can be difficult to find definitive and decisive information that can be used as a foundation to grow, and continue growing upon. And through the years, DD off-shoots have gone by many different names and some people have even tried to usurp and use some of the more well known "titles", identifiers and acronyms for personal and monetary gain. Sadly, this can cause some difficulties and confusion, especially for newer people learning about DD. It can be a daunting task in the very beginning, but if someone is determined and willing to take the time, they can find anything about general DD practices or Domestic Discipline as a lifestyle choice.
Thankfully, there are some open minded and established places online to learn. And there are also newer DD lifestyle based blogs, forums and discussion groups popping up all over the internet! All of the information is there if you look for it, and it's all there for free! 
Be determined, open minded and patient.
To Complete the DD Definition, continue to read the RELATED LINKS. 

Related Reading Links:
Domestic Discipline Foundation: The 3 C's of DD

Beginning Domestic Discipline Plan & Process
Domestic Discipline Relationship Characteristics
Keys to DD (Series)
Beginning DD (Series)

Free DD Lifestyle Guide (Entire Series)


  1. As usual this is very helpful to me. Thank you for sharing all your vast store of knowledge and experience. I think this is one post I shall be showing to the Beloved. Many thanks, Ami

  2. Thank you Ami, I greatly appreciate that :)
    I'll also be replying to the email you sent.

  3. Anonymous12/09/2012

    Very clear and to the point and nicely open to interpretation by all the types of DD. Well written article. The new site chose a good person to write a DD column. Thank you for sharing.

    1. Thank you kindly for the compliment.

  4. Anonymous12/09/2012

    Your articles never disappoint, Mr. BBSpanker.
    One of the things I have noticed since beginning this lifestyle is how much ttwd differs from house to house. As your article points out, there are varying degrees of authority given to HoHs and levels of submission from TiHs. Some times it extends to sex, and other couples work exclusively in a discipline realm.
    I hav stopped trying to categorize Ian and I. We seem to be in a funny place - he is the ultimate lone authority in our marriage and I am not always happy with that - but it is the happiest we have ever been - I guess in our case, the proof is in the pudding,

    1. Thank you Lillie :) And it's so true, I have been helping people with this lifestyle dynamic for many years and although a lot of couples start out the same way, no two couples have the same dynamic after a year.

  5. Anonymous3/03/2013

    In DD, is the HoH always the male partner? Can a same-sex couple practice DD and be accepted by the DD community/this community?

    1. As it mentions above in this article,
      The lifestyle of Domestic Discipline is free of boundaries like gender, religious preference, sexual preference or anything relationship specific. It is open to the individual or individual couple. The ONLY "boundary" is that it is 100% consensual at all times.
      There are narrow minded people in all areas of life, and there are people who are open minded. ADDS is about tolerance and being open minded, so I would hope you are accepted everywhere.... you are here.

  6. As one who writes domestic discipline fiction, but strives for realism (accuracy), I appreciate sites like yours.

    1. Cara,
      Your Rod and Cane books are the first real endeavor to include not just spanking, but also an element of a DD dynamic into the Spanking Romance genre. That series is still the standard for others to try and achieve.

  7. I do get confused by the difference between a DD life or Dom/sub life. Reading ur info i guess i an in a DD lifestyle, with set of rules, expectations and appropiate way to act towards the HoH. With punishment, maintenece spanking daily and instant punishment if im naughty. Watever the defination of us is, i love it and has brought us even closer, been together 28 yrs and now weve discovered this we are learning new feelings we never realised we had


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