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Defining The TiH List and The Domestic Discipline Diary

Where the TiH List and DDiary come Together

 Continuing the series of articles that begins with Where to Start: Beginning Your DD Lifestyle Together

In the first article in this series for August, I touched on a general overview of the TiH List, HoH Rules and mentioned The DDiary. All of which can be important tools for your DD relationship communication and during your weekly Sit Down Discussions. That first article is meant for those beginning, revitalizing or adding tools to their DD lifestyle. 
In this installment in the series I'll be covering the TiH List more in depth, and introducing uses of The DDiary. >>>>>

The TiH List is just that. A list developed by the TiH that has personal areas of improvement, goals and aspirations they have asked for guidance completing or improving. During weekly Sit Down Discussions the TiH List has communicated to their HoH and there is a plan of action devised that includes structure, accountability and discipline. These ideas that become part of the TiH List begin first in thought and are sometimes suggestions made by their HoH. Not every idea will become part of the TiH list. There are some areas of improvement where a TiH partner is very capable of completely handling and motivating themselves without having to ask for the style of guidance that might result in a Disciplinary Action for motivation or behavioral improvement.

This is where the TiH List and The DDiary intersect originally. While vetting out what areas a TiH feels they might need to place an area of improvement on their TiH List, they can first write a "note to self" style entry in their DDiary. For example: (& only an example) Let's say a TiH hears the kids cussing more and recognizes that the words they're hearing are the same cuss words they use themselves! So a "note" is entered in the DDiary that might read something like this.
"Dear DDiary... heard the kids using cuss words again and I think it might be coming from me. Each time this week when I cuss I'm going to ask friends and/or family to nicely point it out. If I catch myself I'll lightly snap a rubber band I'll wear on my wrist and then mark it here in the DDiary. I'll keep a count for a week and then decide if I need to bring this up at next SDD.

That is one purpose of the DDiary. It is a journal style tool used to honestly keep track of ideas. It can be seen at any time by the HoH. It should be kept in a private place where only the two of you can access it. I will reiterate, that it is an honest reflection of a TiH style submissives ideas and thoughts about what they feel they need help with achieving. Do not use a DDiary if you are not ready to be honest in this way. Some submissives who are not yet TiH style submissive partners have used the DDiary to purposely place things they want to have the HoH read in order to manipulate the HoH or persuade them one way or another. This is not the purpose of the DDiary. When used properly The DDiary becomes another instrument of communication and clarification within the ADDS philosophy of a DD lifestyle relationship.

Other uses for the DDiary include: 
Keep track of misdeeds/transgressions that have occurred. Include first offense. second etc... Date of transgression, and what Disciplinary Action was applied with the date and time and more info. 

An example: 2nd offense occurred Date/general time. Confessed to "HoH"name date/time. 
First DA administered Date/Time it was mid (5-6pt) DS  Was Warned and it started higher on the PoD because it is Safety violation, talking on cell while driving instead of pulling over first.  Recv'd 2nd warning after DA  List Non Spanking DA's (corner time/writing lines etc)
2nd offense will be mid PS (6-7pt) List Non Spanking DA's
How you organize it is up to you, but this is another area where a mutual understanding of the Progression of Discipline and Tolerance LaDDer are important. 

The DDiary should also go on to include:
* Ideas for an upcoming SitDD
*general feelings about your DD lifestyle
* the ideas the TiH comes up with in order to avoid making another transgression in this area again.
* what went wrong with the ideas to avoid another Disciplinary Action
*new ideas to work on correcting behavior and avoid another Disciplinary Action for this type of offense
* if Maintenance Spankings are or are going to be a part of the process
* if TiH needs to remind HoH if  Reminder Spanking will be needed at a similar upcoming occasion (Ex: misdeed happens at a party, Reminder Spanking is applied before next party)
The TiH List can be kept in the front of The DDiary.
... these are just a few of the ideas that can be included in The DDiary.

When choosing a DDiary, I suggest using a full size daily ledger style. Each day having it's own large full page. I have also seen where a TiH separates the journal style entries of DAs and ideas from the abbreviated DA entries like the one in the Example above. Something with a journal style diary in the front and colored tabs in the back works well in that case. There are lots of ways to do it, the best way is the one that lends itself to what the TiH will use daily and in a format the HoH can easily view and follow.
I have seen this done on a computer, but that actually becomes more difficult. Quick notes on a phone that are written later in the DDiary work well though. A DDiary needs to be something you can both reach out and touch... like each other! :)  Every younger aspiring TiH has said "No, on a computer is better" lol Every experienced TiH will tell you... "nah, doesn't really work as well for the HoH and that's what counts." A HoH should be able to pick it up at any time, sit down with it, feel it in their hands and comfortably look it over at their own leisure. The DDiary should be something tangible and real, written by the hand that the HoH has Taken in Hand. When it's something real it usually becomes decorated and other little DD style mementos are kept near or in it. It becomes an entity unto itself that can be looked back on as time passes and you grow closer together. You'll just have to trust me on this one. And in five or ten years, don't forget to come back and thank me! :) 

There are a few more tools yet to come in this series... there is a simple calendar and an ADDS Board and more. Stay tuned! :)  

The first article in this series is  " Where to Start: Beginning Your DD Lifestyle Together "
The next article in this series is " Head of Household Rules "


  1. Thank you for a fine blog. We're still learning and this site is a great guide and inspiration.
    Jack's Jill

  2. You're very welcome :)

  3. Anonymous8/24/2014

    Thank you Mr BB for excellent articles and easy-to-follow guides on starting the DD lifestyle. Not having that grey area anymore is wonderful. And the DDiary is an excellent tool for me. I can be completely honest (even though I know HoH will read it). It has helped me to reflect on things I have or have not done and sometimes helps me figure out why. Going back and reading past entries helped me to see that there is progress too!! We are still in the very early stages of our DD relationship, but so far so good.


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