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The Sit Down Discussion

 Opening Communication

  First Sit Down Discussions

Set aside time at least once or twice a week to fully communicate with one another about everything pertaining to your DD lifestyle. Begin a ritual of ... >>>

Sit Down Discussion starts out pretty much like it sounds. It's a time that is specifically set aside for the HoH and TiH to sit down and discuss their relationship in a slightly more DD focused format then just chatting during the week or mentioning something in bed before sleep or at a dinner table. Set aside time twice a week to fully communicate with one another about everything distinctly regarding your DD lifestyle. Begin a ritual of doing so in a way that is not  sitting in front of the TV or driving around in the car. Turn off the TV, put away the cell phones and focus completely on each other about everything pertaining to you, your partner and your DD lifestyle dynamic. Sit at a table so that in the future your Sit Down lends itself to going over the TiHs Discipline Diary, TiH List, DDiary and the ADDS Calendar Board and other ADDS relationship tools. If you are newer to the DD lifestyle dynamic, I would suggest having at least two scheduled SitDDs a week.

Since the focus of this post is on a first or early Sit Down Discussion let's not get too far ahead just yet. Start out by discussing the TiHs first TiH List. HoHs need to ask a lot of questions and completely understand the motive supporting each of the ideas, goals and aspirations that are brought forward. Even if it's only a couple of ideas or several, each one needs the HoHs full attention and consideration. These were important enough to be brought forward as an area that the TiH is asking for help and guidance, so each one needs to be discussed.  A decision has to be made on which one (or possibly two) will be the focal point of the first week or weeks as you begin, restart or re-energize yourselves along the road to your DD lifestyle relationship dynamic.

When a final decision has been made, then it's time to discuss the implications and Disciplinary Action if there were to be a transgression. It's important so I'll reiterate what was mentioned in the last (TiH List/ HoH Rules) post. I very strongly advise with the first transgression begin with a warning and a reminder of the Disciplinary Action agreed upon. After that a Non Spanking Disciplinary Action. Then work your way up to a Spanking if the same misdeed is repeated and it's important to explain exactly why you are spanking them and remind them of the warning(s) they received. Then onto a Disciplinary Spanking if there's a third offense in a relatively short period of time, again reminding of exactly why and what has led to this point. And only when necessary, progress to a Punishment Spanking if the same transgression has been broken again within a specific amount of time. As you begin keep in mind your partners Safe Words and Aftercare.
Each of these areas needs to be discussed at your SitDD. 

Are you taking notes yet? That's the TiHs responsibility :)

One of the many benefits of a DD relationship is the heightened communication skills that develop as a couple moves forward and grows. The SitDDs are a vital factor in building and sustaining those skills and making them stronger. A description of an early SitDD is included as one part of this article>  Domestic Discipline Relationship Characteristics / ETHICS are a Key to DD

               *************** IMPORTANT ***************

* It is very important at this point to interject that the following two articles in the process are to understand The Progression of Discipline then the Tolerance LaDDer. 
However, it is not necessary to implement either one as the next steps in the process. It is important to understand what each is so the information in the following three steps (TiH List, TiH DDiary & HoH Rules) can be discussed together and  become more clear and concise moving forward. 

* The next area of implementation are the, TiH List, DDiary and The HoH Rules. These three areas are very important and will take a lot of time to discuss, understand how they work correctly in each couples relationship and then employ into the process of making them work and then discuss again to refine each individual tool. They are Communication tools that are used in SitDDs. 

* After that time, it is important then to re-visit The Progression of Discipline and Tolerance LaDDer to begin a very patient exercise of discussing them in SitDDs, and then the even more patient process of administering these next two tools into your DD dynamic.

Take Note: The next three tools are important and keeping them through time will prove highly beneficial for the future Consistency of your DD relationship. When the inevitable bumps in the road become more like hills or mountains on your journey, then you'll know it's time to break out this Guide and look back at what you have documented in your past TiH List, DDiary and HoH Rules . Discuss what worked best earlier, is continuing to work well now and what needs to be refined and discussed again.


Next article in the series: Progression of Discipline / Disciplinary Actions

First article in the series is: Where to Start / Beginning your DD Lifestyle Together

Everything in The Free DD Guide make excellent SitDD topics, and so do the topics below.
Keys to DD series of articles* KEYS to a Domestic Discipline Relationship
1) Communication is a Key to DD
2) Domestic Discipline Relationship Characteristics
3) Domestic Discipline Honesty
4) Domestic Discipline Confession
5) Domestic Discipline Aftercare
6) Domestic Discipline Forgiveness 

Stay up to date with everything DD >>>  JOIN this ADDS site!


  1. Anonymous9/08/2012

    Ian and I did things a little differently here too.
    Although, I must say this would have been very helpful in the beginning. It answers many questions that caused some angst.
    We have a session every night at bedtime, where we cuddle up and review the day, he generally rubs my bottom throughout and I really like that. :) He lets me know where he thinks I might be struggling, and tells me what he expects me to do about it.
    I think that is his way of putting me on notice, because when I have ended up in trouble, he has said - I told you and then I told you again, and he is referring to those little talks.
    I also have an opportunity to tell him about things that are troubling, and then I have noticed that when they cause an issue, he is more tolerant and tries to help me with my problem. Th only rule during these talks is that I have to be respectful.
    They have worked very well for us, and I always find myself relaxed and sleepy afterward.
    I guess they are different than initial sit down discussions, but still along the same theme.
    Great Post :)

    1. Having conversations every day are also wonderful and definitely a part of a close DD relationship. The weekly Sit Down Discussions (sometimes twice a week) are an added time to set aside to go over the TIH List and other tools at the HoHs disposal too. Thanks for the reply and I really like your blog too :)

  2. Anonymous11/25/2012

    We are having our first official Sit Down Discussion tonight. We read your whole free DD guide (whole site!) and are beginning slow like you teach. We have scheduled two a week since we are beginning and using this post as a guide for our first sitdd and your DD Honesty post for our second one.

    1. Anonymous1/13/2013

      We have been doing great I almost forgot I wrote this here lol
      We have two Sit Down Discussions a week and it has been a big part why we never seem to have to restart like so many other people in the beginning. That and we use all the ideas from the guide and we are going to start using the Calendar Board this week. J&B

  3. "Are you taking notes yet? That's the TiHs responsibility :)"

    I love this line. I'm currently reading through the articles and taking notes for my "HoH" to review. I'm naturally the note-taker/researcher of our pair, so being told that it's actually my responsibility is humorous to me.

  4. Anonymous8/13/2014

    we are just starting this week, although I think we have been leading up to this point for two years now. when i came across this site it just all made sense to us. and i too am sitting here taking notes. lol. always trying to be prepared!!


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