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Domestic Discipline Lifestyle Research: How to Start Reaching Out & Communicating Online

After a person has been researching Domestic Discipline and learning about a DD relationship and roles of a HoH & TiH, it might feel like the time to go beyond researching through reading and begin to seek communication with people who are experienced about the DD lifestyle to gain further knowledge. There are people who are respectful and can be very helpful in your continued knowledge of the Domestic Discipline paradigm as a relationship choice. Sadly, there are also those who merely claim to be knowledgeable who will accidentally or purposely mislead you for their own ulterior motives.
Continuing with the DD Research Series...

Sometimes when people are new they seek out someone to ask questions or with whom to communicate. Again, the safest way to learn is by patiently reading and gaining knowledge with an open DD mind. In the last article here on A Domestic Discipline Society, we discussed an easy and useful resource called the What is DD to Me resource. For continuity, if you have not read that article yet, it's suggested that you read that one first before continuing with this article.
 How to Start Domestic Discipline Research: What is DD to Me & Eliminating Confusion

If you feel like you have been researching and reading and would like to step beyond reading and contact someone with a question, comment on a blog, or possibly find a chat room to have a friendly conversation, do so safely. There are some simple ways to help keep your privacy safe.

1) Create a nickname: Take your time and create a nickname that you can keep and use into the future.
Choosing a nickname that can be used on anything from an adult social site, a blog, a Google+ acct, Twitter or Facebook is advantageous even if you aren't currently on any of those or planning to join in the near future. You never know what the future will bring, and where you might find information of interest.

2) Create a new email account: Create a separate email address from any email acct you now have, or previously used.

a)  Doing this will help keep your email account from automatically sending out invites to people currently or previously on a Contacts List. Often, but not every time, when joining a new social site like Facebook, invites are automatically sent out to invite people from your email Contacts List. It's just safer and easier to have something new and dedicated specifically for your research and communication needs.

b) A Gmail account has the ease of deciding later to create a Google+ account which has become very popular within the entire lifestyle community because it's new and isn't as oppressive as Facebook or had the privacy issues that FB has encountered. G+ uses "Circles" to protect privacy and keep interests separate. I would still suggest not using the same account as a personal G+ account though. Even though there have been no privacy issues like FB, it's better to be safe then sorry. G+ offers a private chat feature but it's a tiny chat window. (like FB) There is also the option of Hang-Outs where you can chat and see others who agree to opt into what can be described as a "group skype" conversation where they see you, you see them etc. Again, this might not be for you, but it's an option.
G+ has "Community" pages and private pages for you to join if the group interests you.
I have had the B Blazer (MrBB) G+ account for a few months and I'm still learning new things about it all the time.

c) Yahoo is an old favorite in the lifestyle community dating back years. I think the basic chat feature is still a good one using any device, but especially from a lap-top or desk-top computer. I know, I know... a desk-what? lol The chat window can be enlarged to full screen. Font size, style, color can be easily changed to fit your style or mood. There are a multitude of emoticons and add-ons that can make the experience more fun. There is also an option to use a "chat only" name where the person you give the nickname to does not know your email and can only see you on their "Chat Friends" or "Buddy" list. You also have the choice of being on the chat feature as "invisable" without anyone being able to see that you're online. (G+ chat has that too)  
You have the option of text chat only, Voice chat, or a combined Video & Voice chat. And it's quick and easy to learn!

d) I also have a Skype account but have that one dedicated to family, extended family and friends outside of the lifestyle community. It's just not connected to anything else, and when the window pops up the nickname you use is right there for anyone to see. 

I have both a Yahoo & Gmail of account for my "lifestyle" communication choices. They are both free and I like them both for different reasons. I like the old Yahoo one because it's easy to use and I'm used to it. I have used it for years to talk to people and teach new people. I don't know how much it has saved me in phone bills!
I like the G+ account because there are the "Community" and private interest pages and there have been upgrades coming continually. G+ is more of a social site and there is interaction back and forth. Yahoo, not there.

3) Refrain from sharing Personal Info: Never give out personal information. Real names, work info, family info or anything personal. Not even a phone number when first communicating with someone. That includes a cell number. It is thousands of times safer to use a Yahoo or G+ account to Voice Chat. Also, a person can seem really interesting, knowledgeable or nice in Personal Messages (PMs), chat or email but when you speak to them you're just not into talking all the time or they're not as interesting as you thought. And if they have your telephone number they now have access to you, you may not be interested in.

4)  *** NEW ***  There is a new APP to check out called KiK. It enables a caller and the one receiving a call to keep their cell # anonymous. Use at your own risk, I'll research this new technology further and Update this information.

Above are just a few simple tips to beginning a safer online experience when reaching out to learn more. Researching Domestic Discipline can be a little like putting a puzzle together without having a completed picture to begin with. You have a general idea of what the whole picture is suppose to look like, but it takes time and patience to gather all the right pieces and put them all together.

1st Article in series: How to Start Domestic Discipline Research: What is DD to Me & Eliminating Confusion
2nd: You have just read the 2nd article in this series.
3rd: Next Article in series: Domestic Discipline Lifestyle Mentor: How to Seek a DD Mentor
4th: Taken in Hand View of HoH Role - One TiH View of HoH Role
Related Links & Information Resources:
The DD Community Chat Room
A Domestic Discipline Society (Overview & Links)
A Domestic Discipline Society Google+ Private Page
B Blazer (MrBB) Google+ Profile Page
Domestic Discipline & Spanking Blog G+ Community
@MrBBSpanker Domestic Discipline Twitter Page
Contact MrBB


  1. Hi Mr BB, some great advice here. I made some mistakes setting up gmail, my blog etc in the beginning which caused some angst.


    1. Hiya Roz! I know what you mean. Early mistakes can haunt a person later. Someone getting an auto generated "invite" like a family member or an ex partner etc... can derail a persons research while simply seeking benefits in their life. Always best to begin with a clean email account :)

  2. I have liked both articles so far they are well thought out and give gogd sensible advice.


    1. Thank you kindly Bob! I tried to keep it on the sensible side and keep away from telling a whole bunch of horror stories!
      Thought I would stick with "sharing" vs "scaring" lol

  3. Hi Mr BB, these look like great suggestions. I was lucky enough to figure most of this stuff out. This is good for anyone new who is hoping to get started. There is definitely a level of nervousness associate with moving forward with all of these steps. I still have some. It is important to remember that we really do have to be careful because our privacy and safety are at stake. Hugs!

    <3 Katie

    1. Thanks for stopping by Katie and welcome :)
      I agree completely. It is of the utmost importance to stay safe in all ways when researching the benefits of a DD relationship. I wish people would stay home and read about it for two years in the safety of their homes lol... but that's not going to happen.
      Hopefully people can include these tips along with common sense to make their research a more positive experience :)

  4. Anonymous3/30/2013

    As usual, great advice. :) I think it's also important to reach out to people who have like-minded views - not every dynamic you read about is a 'fit' for you and your spouse. If something scares you or makes you feel highly uncomfortable, keep searching. I'd imagine that you, BB, would be a great referral source for people as you have so many connections in the community.

    I know that people here have been wonderful when I've expressed concerns or had questions. I'm happy to answer questions myself, with regard to our dynamic. The one thing that stands out to me with this community is that almost all of the people I've interacted with are warm and welcoming, happy to answer questions and supportive.

    Thanks for all that you do!
    Elisa Xo

    1. Thank you Elisa :)
      The people of this community are a wonderful collection of helpful and caring individuals. And you are definitely one of those people.

  5. Anonymous12/29/2014

    Hi. I followed the steps and set up a new email account and a nickname. However I am very shy and don't have much relationship experience. I was focused mainly on school. What online sites would you consider best for starting a friendship? Would you suggest getting a mentor first? I just don't know where to start.
    Thanks for help.

    1. You have already started, you're here! This site can be used as a Mentor :)
      As you read research and continue to learn about DD as a relationship dynamic there will be questions that arise. Bring your questions into The Community DD Chat Room attached to this site. There are welcoming people who can share their thoughts and opinions with you in a safe environment while you also build lasting friendships. It's happening there everyday :)
      Then in time with more knowledge and a group of friends who you can lean on for unbiased advise, it can be the time to branch out and start bringing what you've learned into your life patiently and safely.

  6. Anonymous2/16/2016

    I've been researching this topic for a long time and it's definitely something I'm interested in. The problem is, I'm single. Are there any sites for singles?


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