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20130514

Domestic Discipline Community Forum: Open Discussion Days!


It was a short message on Twitter. It's become a positive movement toward building an open sharing community. Most people may have not have even noticed or understood it. I was hoping it might be the pebble in the pond that created a ripple effect spreading out toward something that might benefit the community in a positive way.




In the past few months I have been receiving emails, IMs and hearing things that were a little too gossipy in nature for my liking. Not even gossips trust gossips, we all despise drama and discretion has been one of the keys to longevity in retaining a trusted reputation in the lifestyle community. People in all areas of the lifestyle understand the importance of personal privacy. There are many people who have been around a long time that are asked questions that include personal information from the individual asking. It is vital to be discreet and NEVER share that information with anyone. So I thought if I'm getting second hand information that I didn't and wouldn't ask for, others might be getting the same kind of rumor and scuttlebutt. Hearsay has no place in this community or does it have any place in what ADDS was originally intended toward when it was founded so long ago.
I will say that 99.9% of the people I have made the acquaintance of since I decided to include a blog to the ADDS groups have been wonderful and are not included in this very tiny group of a couple of individuals.
Most of the gossip seemed to be directed at keeping a rift alive between this blog and another one. I began to weigh my own responsibility in all of this. After all, I had made it clear a few months ago I was done with all of that stuff and I wasn't going to put up a post about it here. But along with that I also had publicly made it clear I was ignoring the other blog and wasn't interested in communicating with them. I was wrong about that, and I realize it.
We all talk about communication as a part of a DD relationship dynamic, yet we, ME, have been unwilling to communicate with someone when that should have been the first response when misunderstanding arose from a few differences in our delivery of information and what we believe to be the best way to begin a DD relationship. We aren't going to agree on everything, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. We have differences and that's ok.
But in my self examination of the situation, I realized there were some commonalities that could be built upon.


So, I sent this message out on Twitter a few days ago.


The time has come in the community to set aside old differences & promote community awareness...


Followed up by this one...


Time to set aside old differences in community Open forum in DD Chat Room Sunday. Every1 welcome


They were meant for the community and also as a way to reach out and heal a rift that had begun way back in November. It began with two differences. From my experience and the experience shared from others I have known through the years and those I have taught about DD back when Boot Camp started in 05', anything Boot Campish it is the worst way to begin a DD relationship. There, that's my opinion. They do not see it that way and that is their opinion. Enough said. We have a difference in opinion, big deal. Everyone else can make up their own minds by doing their own research.
I have always shared my experience for free. At that time they sold DD advice through a book and a pay site, and two more books since then. Those were the two main differences. Looking back. So what?
I had written an article about the origins of Boot Camp and it was never intended to become what it did. The snowball had begun to roll down from the top of the hill, but instead of reaching out to them I ignored them and just kept posting what I had scheduled. I mean this in a good way, I am the one with experience and I should have been the one to know better. They're relatively new and didn't live through the ups and downs of where this lifestyle dynamic has been over the years. Again, I take responsibility for knowing what the past had been like and not stepping in right away and contacting them before things got out of hand.
I have always written and shared that we should be looking for commonalities vs differences in the DD community. I felt like I needed to do some self reflection on this point and listen to my own words, so to speak. Too many things were being misunderstood, the snowball grew and gained speed. I've seen something similar before, people became divided, it bothered me then and it bothered me now. That's why I wrote what I did on Twitter.

I have a Topic Discussion that I mentioned on the second tweet, scheduled in The DD Community Chat Room for Sunday and I was hoping the writers of the other blog would stop in along with anyone who had something to air out. It is time to get things out in the open and address anything on anyone's mind and move on as one community. I was very pleasantly surprised to see one of them in the room the night before last. I read back a little in the room and noticed she was having a nice time chatting with people there. Getting to know new people and chatting with at least one she knew. I entered the chat room and welcomed her letting her know I was happy to see her there. She mentioned she was a little nervous because some people had been telling her some pretty rough stuff about me. My worst fears were coming true, the couple of people who had been telling me gossipy and false information, were probably the same ones doing the same TO her. After we chatted for a little while in the main room it was noticed that the regular chat was going on as usual, we had a lot to discuss so we were going to move our discussion into a Private Message off the main room.  She wanted to be assured I wasn't going to "attack" her in a private discussion. That really brought the realization home that there had been people feeding her awful information and goading them on, because they were doing the same to me. I felt really bad and before I could type a reply, the whole room assured her that they didn't know me as anyone like that. And I haven't as much as said a bad word about anyone in there or in private. There were many nice things said and I appreciated that, but mostly because I hoped she was realizing the same thing I was. Right there I also realized it did take a lot more then I would have guessed for her to come in the chat room in an effort to also put all of the bad blood behind us. Kudos Chelsea, thank you. I felt so badly that you were nervous when we began our conversation  but I was so happy that we chatted and were able to begin a process toward putting everything behind us.
It was a very pleasant chat conversation, we generally focused on common ground, realized we were probably both being told some pretty hard fibs about each other and shared email addresses to continue to bridge a gap in communication between us. As our private chat wound down I assured here she was always welcome there, and she assured me I was welcome over on their forum and in their room too.
We seemed to come to the the conclusion that we could agreed to disagree on some things and also look for common ground too.

In my opinion, the reality is that we're just two of many DD blogs out there. It's ok that we disagree on some things, that just means readers have more varied information to choose from. And honestly, no one that reads either of these two blogs is there to read stuff like that anyway.
And a friendly suggestion for anyone hearing gossip. If that person is talking about someone else to you today... how do you know they aren't telling everyone your business tomorrow.
I hope there's something to be learned from all of this. I know I learned a lot.
What it all comes down to, is that I have been very reflective recently and thinking about the blogland area of the DD and extended community. I love this community and all of the friends I have been blessed to make through the years! Our community is helpful and supportive and filled the the most wonderful people anyone could meet. When I was writing the DD Book Club post and DD Friendly post recently I noticed how well they all get along and those authors support each other beautifully! I am hoping that our DD community can do what ever it takes to work toward that too. I truly hope everyone understands the spirit of this.

If you're a blogger and feel the same way, take advantage of Open DD Days to open up and share something about what this community means to you on your blog. if there's something you believe can be learned from all of this or just write how special this community is :)


So in the spirit of communication in the community, this weeks Community Sit Down Discussion in The DD Community Chat Room will be Open Discussion Days!
The time has come...  Like is states in the tweet above, it's time to set aside any old differences in the DD community. This is an opportunity to bring up anything on your mind in an Open Forum, or just let everyone know how much you appreciate all the support and friendship you feel from the entire community.Or, simply ask anything you've been wondering about. Openly share or resolve something on your mind in a safe space where everyone is welcome & no one is excluded. This isn't just for bloggers and people who usually communicate with each other... if you are a reader who has never commented or come into the DD Chat Room yet... please stop by and say hello. We'd love to hear from you.


The DD Community Chat Room (info)

DD Community Sit Down Discussions (info)

5 comments :

  1. I think its important to respect everyone's differences. We are not all the same (that would be boring) but we can learn from each other and others experiences. We should all support each other, that's what this is all for anyway. I am glad to see that people are reflecting on themselves and making changes if changes need to be made. Also for the people who spread rumors & gossip.... SHAME ON YOU!

    Honey

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    Replies
    1. Beautifully stated Honey :)

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  2. HI Mr. BB,

    THANK YOU a million times for posting this and offering some clarification about the divisive comments some folks have brought into recent chats. I'm glad to see that there is at least some consensus about how to move beyond the juvenile in-fighting.

    I'm the new kid on the block around here, though, I can say that I found it incredibly off-putting to see so much animosity and dissent within a community that is already, by virtue of our shared interests, a "small" network of like-minded individuals. I mean, seriously, life is too short for all the bickering back and forth and posturing over whose toes got stepped on or how individual sites conduct their business. It is *their* business and no one else's.

    Out in the vanilla world, people agree to disagree all the time. I hope all the various and wonderful spanking interest/DD sites and their participants can develop a sense of cordiality, even when disagreements arise. Communication is a two way street--gossip is a one way street. I think we can do better.

    Love to all,
    smartingoff

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    Replies
    1. You're very welcome smarting,
      I felt it was the time to put old differences behind and move toward communication, forgiveness and moving forward. After all, we write about DD and the KEYS to DD should apply to anyone sharing suggestions or advice to new people about the very same subjects! We all need to be supportive of each other.
      Personally I was unaware of a lot of the worst stuff going on, because it's not a subject we chat about in the DD Chat Room. We're anti negativity or judgement etc... but the gossipy part really got under my skin. I was hoping others were tired of it too and if I'm being gossiped to, others are too.
      Our community has always seen it's way through difficult times in the past, and I know we are on our way back in that direction again.

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  3. I, for one, am glad some of that business was squashed. Relatively new to the community, but I can't help feeling like I've always been here. This (community) is home to many people and anything that doesn't promote fellowship and support should be carefully re-evaluated and summarily culled. While there are many aspects and avenues to be pursued here, it should only seek to unite us instead of divide. I know I told both MrBB and Chelsea to set aside differences and promote the community with a unified front, but let us not forget that it will take everyone to contribute and not just BB and Chelsea. Both parties have been pioneers and equally respectable in their own right. Anyone seeking to demolish or diminish progress can just keep it movin' because you will not find happiness here.

    -WSC.Daddy

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