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Head of Household (HoH) Appreciation

I was reading through some Domestic Discipline blogs I share links with, when I happened upon this one from a fellow DD blogger. I was delighted to see that a newer TiH style submissive was not only going out of their way to appreciate their HoH, but also making a concerted effort to understand everything their HoH does for them.
I've noticed while working with new DD couples, appreciation for everything the HoH partners do, usually doesn't come along easily until well after the first year of actually living within a DD lifestyle relationship.

Since this ADDS site is an educational Domestic Discipline guide...

 I thought I would contact the author of the HoH Appreciation post, "Cowgirl", and ask if I could post her post here. I think there's something to learn for new and experienced HoHs and TiHs.
Here is Cowgirl's post... Enjoy :) 

HoH Appreciation Day?

We all know how hard it is to be the submissive partner in a DD relationship. Submitting is not for  faint of heart.  On good days,  it's relatively easy. Especially when we agree. Those days are so smooth and easy. We just blend together seamlessly, we truly are one. DD just feels so right

It gets to be a true challenge when we don't agree. Those days we don't agree on the course of action we should take for an ordinary day-to-day issue we're faced with. Then there are those days we don't agree on a much larger issue.  Sometimes, we just aren't feeling it, and don't want to submit. For whatever reason. 

I think most of us would also agree that taking a painful spanking can be truly challenging as well. It may look like the spanker is doing all the work and the spankee only has to lay there. We know better. It's not easy to maintain your position. Not easy to resist your natural instinct to get away, or failing that, protect yourself and fight back. I grew up with the idea that if someone hit me, I had to hit them back.  It was a matter of honor :) 

With that said, what about the view from the other side........

What about the challenges from the HoH's point of view. I mean, we really do ask a lot of them. They have undertaken a huge responsibility. We expect them to be fair. We expect them to know, instinctively, what we need. We expect them to selflessly guide us. We expect them to help us meet our goals. To provide motivation when necessary. To provide maintenance to remind us of our roles. To carry out a punishment spanking, even when it's the last thing they want to do.  I'm still haunted by the pain I saw in Blue's eyes as he carried out a third and then a fourth punishment spanking. I saw his pain, but I also saw his determination. And his love.

I think most DD lifestyles are started by the future submissive. We spend weeks or even months educating ourselves on this life and then we present our case to the HoH to be. Some agree to try DD with great reluctance and others seem downright eager to try it on for size. Given time the HoH settles comfortably into his new role. He gains more confidence with every passing day. Finally, inevitably, the day comes when he makes an unpopular decision or gives a spanking that is considered unfair. Then what? 

A trial by fire. I know when I first seriously disagreed with Blue regarding a punishment, I reluctantly submitted. But then, I set about making his life miserable as repayment. I've learned a few things since then, and I've grown. I doubt that I would ever behave like that again. Still, I gave him hell. Literally.

What do the HoH's get in return?  A better relationship, sure! A better sex life, you bet! The benefits are too numerous to list. They would make an entire post. I  know several bloggers have done just that too.  Do all the benefits outweigh all the many responsibilities? 

Blue sure seems to be a happy man. He says he's just doing the job a man should do anyway. I know it all feels so right to me.  I have to believe Blue is being honest when he says DD is worth every hardship and bump in the road we've both experienced. And there have been many. I believe there will be many more.  I think we'll both rise to the occasion.

If you look at the calendar, there is no HoH appreciation day. I think there should be! I'm going to spend tomorrow showing Blue how much I appreciate him.  How grateful I am that he took on this role. Especially for sticking it out when I made it sooooo hard!

Have you hugged your HoH/Dom today?


That was Cowgirls post. See what I mean. It's so nice to read something about a TiH partner appreciating what their HoH partner does for them! And as I wrote on Cowgirls blog in the comments for her post, it's also very important for HoHs to be mindful not to let their DD relationship become discipline and "spanking only." It's vital to appreciate one another.

If you liked Cowgirls post and would like to read more, here's a link >>> Cowgirl Up  

Thank you Cowgirl for being my first Guest Poster on the new ADDS blog :)

If a fellow blogger, or non blogger, has something that fits into the ADDS educational and knowledge sharing approach... contact me! I love sharing people ideas and feeling about this unique DD lifestyle we live! 


  1. This is a terrific post, and I have the fortune of seeing it posted on Cowgirl's blog. It inspired me to show my husband my appreciation with Sunday evenings of pampering. I did it last Sunday nite and tonight. I make a meal I know he will enjoy with a dessert, then run him a mineral salt bath and bring him his pjs and a warmed towel with a cup of tea or hot chocolate. It is really just a little thing, but after a rather difficult week with submission, it was nice to return to this little thing that helps me to stay focused.
    I am beginning to understand how difficult it is to be an HoH. My husband seems very happy and satisfied with dd, but I think it is difficult to shoulder so much responsibility for everyone and everything.
    This post of CG's inspired many submissive wives to do things to show their husband's their love and appreciation. Thanks CG! and thanks to you ADDS for reminding us of this important message.

  2. I agree Lillian and I'm grateful that CG was kind enough to be the first member to be a Guest Poster.
    And it seems like Ian has been a very appreciated HoH! I always enjoy hearing about the many positive aspects of a DD relationship. Appreciating one another is one of the best parts of the DD lifestyle dynamic.

  3. Anonymous10/16/2012

    MrBBSpanker, I'd like to apologize for being so late in commenting. I've had several issues that have kept me away from Blogland in recent days. I do appreciate your having me as your first guest poster. That was very kind of you, and I am honored. Thank you so much for that and for linking to my blog in your post. I'm happy to have contributed to your blog, and also to any readers who may have found my post helpful in any way. Again, a big thanks to you, and to Lillie also, for her kind comment above.


  4. First, I hope the issues you mentioned are settled and everything is alright CG.
    Secondly, you are very welcome, and I thank you in return! I enjoyed reading your upbeat and positive post. And I felt that it was something we would all enjoy and also learn something from while reading. Each person striving to have a better understanding of their partner's role and responsibilities, is so important in the DD lifestyle relationship dynamic. Taking the time and appreciating the efforts of our loved one, ultimately leads to a stronger bond and a more tranquil home.

  5. Anonymous10/17/2012

    MrBB I want to thank you for this site and for everything you do. You helped my husband and me almost 5 years ago. We were struggling with DD for 6 months when we contacted you and you took the time to get to know us and then teach us for almost a year. You are a genuine friend who cares and we are so happy for all your help because it has changed our life. I wanted to say we appreciate you!
    Sherry and Ben

  6. Thank you kindly, that touches me deeply. I remember both of you very very well! You two are a shining example of a happy couple in love :)
    And I love how "appreciation" is so contagious and positive! Just thinking about it makes us want to share and spread it all around!

  7. An inspiring post - thank you so much.
    This is what DD is all about for us.
    The changing of dynamics in our relationship - and
    understanding our new roles, which hopefully will help create a loving home without all the bickering.
    I'm going to hug my HoH right now and tell him how much I appreciate him!
    Jack's Jill


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