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A Domestic Discipline Society: DD featured in the Print Media!

Domestic Discipline has been highlighted in a public media newspaper published February 14th. A journalist researching the Domestic Discipline lifestyle dynamic, and where it might fit into the entire lifestyle community, published an article that is focused on Domestic Discipline and also mentions A Domestic Discipline Society, the E. L. James novel 50 Shades of Grey, Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD) and touches on elements of the BDSM community.

The journalist Mari Herreras, contacted me through this ADDS site over a month ago. It was not an interview, but she asked for a little help finding people in her area who lived a DD lifestyle dynamic to meet and interview about their version of a DD based relationship. I offered some helpful advice and also explained that most people living within a DD lifestyle dynamic viewed this aspect of their relationship as a part of their private life. I didn't feel it would be polite or ethical to share anyone's name. And I also feel that people who are interested in any area of Domestic Discipline, either as part of their lives or where it fits into other peoples lives, need to do some research to find out where DD fits in. Mari did try and contact me again through G+ right before the article was to be published and this time asked for an interview via phone or email. I contacted her back but it looks like the article was published before we could re-connect. 
When discussing DD on any level, I always keep in mind what the knowledge base is of the person with whom I am communicating. Considering there seemed to be a relatively short amount of time allotted for research (approx.2 months), I must say that reading the Big Spank! article, I felt that the journalist did her research quite well. After all, there are people who are living this style of relationship genus on a daily basis for a year or more that are only beginning to understand and feel the benefits.

Over the years I have found that most of those knowledgeable about Domestic Discipline, don't define their life, lifestyle choice or any part of themselves according to this one facet of their life or by what others think. But according to all the DD based posts and articles from within the DD community that focus on Coming Out, would a friend understand, what if my family or co-workers knew etc... there does seem to be some curiosity in what others might think. I believe ADDS readers will find the article interesting since it's from a non-bias, journalistic point of view written by someone taking a look at a lifestyle dynamic that the journalist doesn't personally live.
I applaud those in, or looking in on our private area of the world, who do their research and present their findings with an open mind and a non judgmental perspective. Thank you Mari.

The Big Spank! 

Our staff writer puts her foot in her mouth (a few times) wondering what domestic discipline is all about

If you ever find yourself talking to someone who practices domestic discipline, first, don't ever, ever ask them if they've read the best-selling soft-porn novel Fifty Shades of Grey.
When I asked that question at the start of an interview, the reply was "I've never even read the book. I thought you wanted to talk about domestic discipline, that's why I agreed to talk to you."
Quickly, I explain that I, too, haven't read the best-seller, but I just wondered if people who practice domestic discipline are inspired by the BDSM laid out by author E.L. James.
BDSM is not domestic discipline, my interviewee says emphatically.
I don't think it's that much of a stretch for people to hear about spanking and think BDSM, the acronym for bondage, discipline (or dominance), sadism and masochism. And right now, popular culture is getting hip to BDSM through James' novel about 22-year-old Anastasia Steele, who gets involved in a submissive/dominant relationship with Christian Grey.
A riding crop is featured prominently in Fifty Shades, which everyone seems to be reading. The book and its two sequels have also triggered conversations about feminism, sexuality and what can get published these days.
Of course, that's not why I'm talking on the phone to a woman who lives in Phoenix and isn't eager for her name to be printed in the paper.
Certainly the practice of BDSM isn't new. Doms and subs, those who like to spank and be spanked, have long been part of the Savage Love column published in alternative weeklies across the land.
But I'm reminded by, let's call her Jane, that this isn't domestic discipline as she knows it.
Jane says she and her husband have been practicing domestic discipline the past two years and found out about it through a website. Yes, they are Christians, and no, domestic discipline isn't just practiced by Christians, she says. But it's provided them with a method to reinforce a traditional household, something that is "too challenging in this day and age," she says.
Wary that I'll put my foot back in my mouth, I tell her about the research I've done. "Look, to be honest, domestic discipline seems to be hung up on a lot of rules, and I just don't know if I really get that."
Jane laughs. Well, yeah, she says, that's the point. For Jane and her husband it's about reinforcing his place as the head of household and making sure their home runs smoothly and happily. So when rules are broken, there is a punishment, and most often that punishment is a spanking. However, the person who gets spanked is Jane, not her husband.
If you Google domestic discipline, you'll find what seems to be hundreds of blogs dedicated to the topic. Most often, they are first-person accounts, usually from the women in the relationships, about why they got into domestic discipline. And, yes, domestic discipline is decidedly heterosexual. I never came across a blog that wasn't from a wife-and-husband perspective. If there are any same-sex couples out there practicing domestic discipline, you're an anomaly and you should give me a call for a follow-up story.
One blog quoted Bible passages to build the case for domestic discipline, such as this one from Ephesians:
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.
When I read that to Jane from Phoenix, she says "Well, I can't really say that we read those passages and decided this would be a good idea. We were looking for something to help our relationship and this has worked."
But then I decided to insert foot in mouth again. Some people think domestic discipline borders on domestic violence, I say.
"No, see, you don't really get it," she says.
What about sex? I ask. "Does your husband get turned on spanking you and do you get turned on getting spanked?"
Silence. Then she eventually says, "It enhances sex, but I don't think it's about sex. It brings us closer together and that's what helps."
Punishments are very, very difficult, she admits, but once they are over, the household starts running again and everyone has their roles. "That's what it's about for me," she says.
Tucsonans who practice domestic discipline can be hard to find. A fetish group I contacted didn't know of anyone doing it, but the writer of a domestic discipline blog I contacted hooked up with me on Google Plus. No one from Tucson showed up, but I did get on a listserv, and that's how I found Jane.
And one blogger I contacted while trying to find practitioners in Tucson gave me some advice: make sure people who say they practice domestic discipline are the real thing and not just people into BDSM.
Probably the best blog I discovered is A Domestic Discipline Society (ADDS), at adomesticdisciplinesociety.blogspot.com.
Instead of dom and sub, there's HoH (head of household) and TiH (taken in hand) to describe the dominate and submissive roles in the domestic discipline relationship.
There also are explanations that I have to say I found interesting and revolting at the same time. For some reason, a submissive/dominant relationship outlined in a book like Fifty Shades of Grey seems normal, while domestic discipline made to reinforce the male as the head of household sounds like aGreen Acres episode gone wrong.
But that's also one of the things I liked about the ADDS blog: It acts as a clearinghouse for traditional domestic discipline blogs as well as more BDSM-flavored blogs. It explains everything from getting started —you should have rules that spell out when punishment is required; there's a confession involved (which, who knows, some ex-Catholics might really like); and there's aftercare, which involves checking in with the person you've just spanked.
(click here to read article as it appears in the Tucson Weekly)


Whether you agree or disagree with most of what is presented above, I feel we have a rare opportunity to support someone who has taken on this endeavor. Thank you again Mari, we as a community appreciate you. There will be people who don't live this lifestyle who will detract and attack what they don't understand. That is inevitableThe more open spanking community recently came together in support of a freelance writer, Jillian Keenan, when she wrote about coming out about a personal spanking fetish in the New York Times. I think we have the same opportunity as a combined spanking and DD community to put aside any differences we have in how we live or present our DD lives, and appreciate the author of this article. As always you're all welcome to share and leave your comments here. There is also a chance as a unified community to visit the Tucson Weekly article and "like/dislike", share on G+, Facebook, Twitter etc... or even better, to comment there on your own DD based relationship dynamic to help others understand what we already know.  
I personally applaud Mari and the Tucson Weekly for presenting an article focused mainly on the consensual Domestic Discipline relationship choice. Recognizing DD as a solely independent choice, separate from all other lifestyle choices without lumping DD in with every other area of the lifestyle, is I believe a first in the public TV or news media.

Researching DD? *click*  How to Start DD Research (Series)
ADDS has long been an advocate of the entire DD community and includes links here from all perspectives of DD. Personally, I am a HoH and come from years of moderating free & open minded online discussion groups and social sites that celebrate and share the non-judgmental individuals view from everyone's personal choice focused on how they prefer to live their own consensual DD lifestyle dynamic. 

Related Reading Links
Domestic Discipline & a New York Times Article
50 Shades inspired E! TV & Our America w/ Lisa Ling TV Updates
What is Domestic Discipline ~ A Domestic Discipline Society
Free DD Boot Camp Info & links >>> DD Boot Camp ~ REVEALED 
*Defining Domestic Discipline: Definitive DD Lifestyle Definition 
* (good follow-up article)

Want to learn about DD or add to your DD relationship?
ADDS Free DD Guide
Keys to DD (Series)
Beginning DD (collection)


  1. Not a huge fan of the last link but over all this is a really well written piece.

    1. I think it was well done also Kat. It's nice to see the 1st piece of Media focused on the DD lifestyle choice. :)

  2. Anonymous2/16/2013

    New person reading here. I found this place from the Tucson newspaper article. I am not a expert but I like what is here. It looks like a little bit of everything for everyone who likes DD.

    1. Thank you. That's very nice of you to say :)

  3. Anonymous2/17/2013

    Very informative, as always, my friend. Dd is showing up everywhere in main stream media. Interesting.

    1. Hiya Lillie & Ian! There certainly does seem to be more and more lifestylie (new word! lol) things being reported. I like that this one was by an open minded reporter and more DD focused then anything else I've seen in print or TV media :)

  4. Domestic discipline is such a huge topic. She hardly skimmed the top, but all beginnings are small, and this is a step in the right direction. I'm looking forward to the day where DD is normal practice and we don't have to be so secretive about it. There is really nothing kinky about it and it's really nothing new! Just a good old fashioned relationship where everyone knows their roles, the man is the head of the household and the wife obeys the rules they've made to have a happy, healthy and loving home. What is really so strange about that?
    Oh, well,a girl can dream - right?
    Jack's Jill

    1. I agree completely Jill! And it is a nice step in the right direction.

  5. Mh, interesting. Although I don't think the author really got it afterall, she talked about it like she was holding a dirty sock from her face. At least that is what it sounded like.

    1. LOL! That's a good analogy. It is something that I know she was unaware of just before researching. She's doing a follow up next year, and hopefully the sock will have been washed by then! lol

  6. OMG, why didn't you tell me the Weekly was writing an article on DD??

    1. I just did! lol I didn't give anyone's name when she first contacted me. I have been a respected member of the community for many years, and one reason is because I believe in discretion.
      When she asked for an interview right before the article, I thought her and I would be in contact and I could ask what else she was looking for, for the article and I would be able to give her some online links to check out. But like the post above states, her article was submitted before we were able to do the interview.

  7. This is really neat, thanks for sharing as well as being a part of it! I also found it interesting to read an outsider interpreted the lifestyle. I'm not a journalist but I'm a researcher and sometimes I know what I'm missing and other times, not. So, it's neat to see what's out there, staring a researcher in the face, and then the smaller, idiosyncratic things that are a bit harder to catch. It's easy for us to see what's missing but as someone new, she probably did have to digest quite a bit! Either way, I think it's neat she took the time to write about DD.

    1. I will say that we here at ADDS are very proud that this site was researched along with many others and the journalist decided to highlight us in the first ever DD article in mainstream media.
      That's something for the history books and we're humbled.

      Easy to see you're a researcher Riley, you nailed what was going on behind the scenes from just reading the article! I have a psych background and love researching and understanding how people come to certain conclusions too.

  8. Anonymous2/23/2013

    Wow, I enjoy that she stayed partial. She didn't go down the typical abuse route. Thanks for bringing this to our attention.

    1. Hi Alta, thanks for stopping by :)
      Speaking of "DD focused" I really like your DD focused books! I, like yourself, don't have anything against the BDSM part of the community, but I agree it's nice that DD didn't get thrown in with everything else.
      And you're welcome, I like sharing DD style News & Media info.

    2. Anonymous3/07/2013

      Thanks for the kind words. Keep us posted. :)

  9. From this side of the Atlantic I would say that any publicity like this seems at first glance to be a good thing. (Although I'll always have a soft spot for Fifty Shades since it was the 'spanking part' that appealed to me the most and got me doing my research.) However, I would be very nervous if I thought our private life was to come under any sort of spotlight due to reporters nosing around in our blogs. We still feel we are barely scratching the surface with Dd. We learn something new all the time. For us, it hasn't been, and isn't, a race to the finish, but more a voyage of discovery about ourselves and how the dynamic is shaping us as a couple.

    As always you have your finger on the pulse my friend! It would be lovely if we could all be open about this - but the time hasn't yet come I fear.

    Many hugs,


    1. I haven't read the 50 Shades of Grey books, but I understand that the phenomenon that followed. I don't think the publicity that our lifestyle is receiving will "out" individuals, what I would hope is that it will bring a little more understanding and reduce any negative stigma attached to the otherwise normal lives we lead.
      And you & Starman are doing more then just scratching the surface, you two have been doing wonderfully. Your statement "it hasn't been, and isn't, a race to the finish, but more a voyage of discovery about ourselves and how the dynamic is shaping us as a couple"... is proof of that :)


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