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Domestic Discipline: Experienced HoHs Perspective on DD Core Values & Home

Those of us with experience have learned though time that the balance between a HoH and TiH can lead to a peaceful place and a tranquil refuge from the often stressful lives we lead.  Most importantly a home where a couple can express their love for one another.

I am a highly experienced HoH, Mentor, Teacher & Dominant man who has respectfully lived the DD style of life for over 30 years. I can share from experience and different perspectives, that it takes time and a strong individual to understand their Dominant nature. A Dominant is not a dictator. A Head of Household  is more of a guide to take in hand their wonderful submissive partner and guide them both continually along a path of consensual cohesive happiness.

I believe it takes a Dominant HoH time to gain the knowledge, empathy & compassion needed to understand their role of self sacrifice, nurturing, patience, firmness and discipline. In this time they learn how to properly & appropriately correct behavior that the TIH has brought forward in areas they would like to improve within themselves or toward goals and aspirations they would like to achieve. This is done with complete consent and respect through their consensual relationship focused on personal and mutual growth and the strengthening of bonds in their sensually unique and positive relationship.

The balance and timing is understood when the HoHs responsibility dictates a strict hand is necessary and forthcoming, or when holding their loved one in their arms for support & encouragement is a more appropriate and long lasting way to obtain goals and strengthen the intimacy and commitment of their relationship. In any case, whatever decision the HoH makes, they follow through with their TiHs best interest at heart with consistency, fairness, aftercare and follow-up. 

For those of you who are single and seeking a domestic Discipline relationship. As in any important aspects of our lives, time and patience bring the highest rewards.
Because someone identifies as a HoH and someone is TiH, that does not automatically make them a relationship match. It does take time to find a person whose ideas coincide naturally with your own to create a peaceful loving relationship built on the foundation of friendship, love, honesty and mutual respect. 

Those are some of my feelings on the day to day lifestyle part of who I am as a person & real HOH/Dominant. There is also more about my thoughts on the the subtle power exchange, sensual, sexual and emotional aspects involved between a HOH & TiH living within a DD relationship. That information is for another post, another day, another time... :D 

This post is based on an introduction I wrote in 2007 for a discussion group. It can also be found on all the ADDS discussion groups & this site too. I re-read it again the other day and it reminded me that the DD Core Values within a person don't change over time. It may take a year or more to work on communication and relationship building when beginning a DD lifestyle foundation, but if this choice is the right one for you, it is well worth the time, patience and planning.

There is a world of information and resources at our disposal. Many people, many places and many many opinions. The most important information people find is often in the most obvious place. Inside of their own heart and within their own mind. Your thoughts and feelings led you toward researching information about your needs, wants and desires. Whose thoughts and opinions are the most important in your life and relationship or marriage? Yours. Your loved one. 
Finding the Characteristics of the relationship you need to live within, and doing the honest self evaluation it takes to find your own personal Core Values can be one of the best decisions you'll ever make.
How to start or re-start or revitalize a DD dynamic? Simple. Two scheduled Sit Down Discussions a week and a relationship plan and process built on consent and negotiation. Make the time, take the time, find time to honestly talk to the one you love. The rewards are endless.
Related Reading Links
The Sit Down Discussion (SitDD)
Domestic Discipline Relationship Characteristics
Beginning Domestic Discipline Plan & Process / Your DD Plan
Domestic Discipline Marriage: Beginning A DD Marriage
Domestic Discipline Foundation: The 3C's of DD

DD Series (Read from bottom article ^UP)
ADDS Free DD Guide (Where to Start or Revitalize Series)
Beginning Domestic Discipline Research Series
Keys to a DD Relationship (Series)


  1. Anonymous2/24/2013

    As a TiH woman, the perspective of experienced HoHs is a valuable asset to understanding the nuances of this lifestyle. Of course, I love the insights of my own husband most of all, but these core values you speak of are surprisingly universal amongst HoHs.
    I am most touched by the consensus I read among HoHs to grow their relationships with the happiness of their wives their foremost concern. I read that here as well.
    It is not force. It is loving and committed leadership.
    Great post, Mr. BB

    1. Anonymous2/24/2013

      Amen, Lillie. Love everything you just said.

      Loving and committed leadership. That is the key.

      Elisa Xo

    2. Thank you so much my friend :) I always enjoy when you stop by and the perspective you and Ian share!

  2. Wonderful post as usual! The regular sit downs are a key to us maintaining our dynamics and if it wasn't for your site we never would of realized how important they are to this relationship style. Forever greatful for the advise you provide.

    1. Thank you very much Cathie, I greatly appreciate that :)

  3. Hi there Mr. BB

    So there is hope at the end of the tunnel. WEG.
    Bobbie and I are newbie 's and your blog has given me the courage to continue when I get lost in TTWD.


    1. Hi Bob, it's great so see another HoH getting involved in the community. And your compliment is truly touching, thank you.

  4. "...holding their loved ones in their arms..." That really strikes a cord. I've discovered that I am a "carrot" type of a person. The threat of a "stick" really gets me going - and not in a good way. What you have talked about here really reinforces the bit about "taking your time to learn the relationship between the HOH and the TIH". I still think that we women who bring this to our men, cannot possible expect them to turn around their way of thinking within twenty four hours. Although we are now Captain and First Officer, or 51% and 49%, each week brings its bonuses. Okay, sometimes I would like to live in a dreamworld of fantasy, but it's not realistic, especially not after 35 years of marriage. The main things we have learned so far are better communication and honesty towards each other. We don't hold things in any more - we talk - we share.

    I know I don't always comment, but I often read and re-read your advice and posts. Thank you for always being supportive Mr BB!

    Many hugs,


    1. "The threat of a stick really gets me going - and not in a good way." Very well said Ami. I think many people would agree with you that negative reinforcement is one of the reasons that those who start out and think DD is all about spanking and forcing submission etc, they usually get lost quickly and sometimes never find their way back to the real keys to a DD relationship. Honesty and Communication are two of the most important keys :)

  5. Anonymous5/02/2013

    Great Post. I have really enjoyed reading so many of the insightful posts on your page. Thank you.

    1. Thank you K, and I am enjoying your new DD blog! :)

  6. Once again, thanks for having this information available as we struggle at getting our DD relationship back on track.

    1. You're more then welcome my friend :)


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