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Domestic Discipline Glossary: This Thing We Do / TTWD

The Domestic Discipline Glossary includes Terminologies, Descriptions & Acronyms specific to the DD lifestyle community.
This DD resource is one of the most popular on ADDS. There is an addition to be discussed, TTWD. And this post is also open to all terminologies and the entire Domestic Discipline community as an interactive and ongoing project...

We love hearing from our members and readers and sharing what's on your mind!
Sara, an ADDS member and new DD blogger from Quiet Sara and the StrongMan, recently emailed and asked about This Thing We Do and the the acronym TTWD. She suggested I post something clarifying the terminology, I thought that was a good idea and also felt it would be a wonderful question to pose to the entire community. 

"This Thing We Do" (TTWD) and "Our Thing" were originally used by the Mafia beginning in the early 1900s when they would not use the word Mafia, La Cosa Nostra etc. It has also been adopted by secret societies and then on to the BDSM community. It was meant to be overly general to keep a true identity secret.
More recently the acronym has also become part of the Domestic Discipline community. The difference in the way some people have been using the acronym in our community is that even though they are living a DD lifestyle dynamic they believe they do so in their own way or a very general manner. The only thing confusing about that is DD is already understood as a lifestyle dynamic that is lived in various and individual ways. Everyone lives their DD dynamic in an individualized way depending on the people and personalities involved.
So, how should we include TTWD to The DD Glossary?
* Has it just become a secondary term for DD that still also means anything general from the entire lifestyle community beyond DD?
* What few lines would best sum up TTWD for The DD Glossary?
* What is the importance of having terminologies that are understood throughout a community?

Please bring up any terminology on your mind or that you feel would be a good fit for this community glossary.

This is The DD Glossary and is being updated and added to...

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In 2005, when there was infighting in the DD community ADDS was founded as a place where everyone was welcome to discuss DD and not be judged for their differences. The ideas that DD could be summed up by one couple or a small group or that DD was confined by religion, gender or sexual identity and other divisions were broken. The ideas that DD was individual and all areas of DD are connected by common denominators, not differences, is something that began with the first ADDS group and is still at the foundation of every ADDS group and this site.
The A Domestic Discipline Society (ADDS) site is for anyone interested in the Domestic Discipline lifestyle choice. ADDS now has a blog/site and is the Domestic Discipline Homepage for everything DD. DD Information, Education, Articles, Series, Resources, Hundreds of DD & DD Friendly Links & The Original FREE DD GUIDE.

Domestic Discipline (DD) -  Domestic Discipline is the practice of a subtle Dominant and submissive type of lifestyle, with the emphasis on the relationship first, then and only then is spanking as a disciplinary action or punishment discussed. The Dominant partner is known as the Head of Household (HOH). The submissive partner is Taken in Hand (TIH). When implemented ideally, DD is the caring, consensual, consistently fair use of structure, accountability and discipline as a positive way to enhance communication, deepen intimacy and reinforce relationship commitment. The discipline normally includes one of many styles of  disciplinary actions or measures, but first centers around rules of behavior asked for by one partner and agreed to by the other.

Domestic Discipline Diary (DDiary) - It is a journal style tool used to honestly keep track of ideas. Also to keep track of misdeeds/transgressions that have occurred. Include first offense. second etc... Date of transgression, and what Disciplinary Action was applied with the date and time and more info. It can be seen at any time by the HoH. It should be kept in a private place where only the two of you can access it. ... continue here for more info

Head of Household ( HoH ) The Dominant partner in a Domestic Discipline Lifestyle relationship dynamic.

HoH Rules -  The list referred to as the HoH Rules is slowly and patiently developed from the TiH List. An HoHs list of Rules is usually broken down into five areas known as the 3D S&H. Dishonesty, Disobedience, Disrespect, Safety & Health. ... continue here for more information 
3D S&H - comprehensive, clear and complete categories used when a HoH is beginning or organizing the HoH Rules List. ... continue for more info 

Taken in Hand ( TiH ) - The submissive partner in a Domestic Discipline lifestyle relationship dynamic.

TiH List -  is an ever growing and changing entity. By no stretch of the imagination does it have to be "set" or perfect. Things will be added and taken off  through the passage of time. The TiH List is an important part of the weekly Sit Down Discussions. ... continue here for more information

Reminder Spanking Reminder Spanking is a preemptive, warning style of spanking... administered beforehand.  ... continue here for more information

Maintenance Spanking - is used as a time based continuing tool within a process to maintain focus, revisit and/or re-establish effect & relationship goals.... administered during or as part of the process. ... continue here for more information

Sit Down Discussion (SitDD) -   a time specifically set aside for the HoH and TiH to sit down and discuss their relationship in a slightly more DD focused format then just chatting during the week or mentioning something in bed before sleep or at a dinner table. Set aside time (twice a week for the first year) every week to fully communicate with one another about everything pertaining to your DD lifestyle. ... continue here for more info

Looking for The ADDS Free DD Guide? >> The ADDS Free DD Lifestyle Guide

This is an ongoing community project and is also a permanent Tab Page here on ADDS
If you need to include a link outside of this site, please do so in an email instead of in a comment.


  1. We use TTWD to mean anything spanking related. Spanking is almost always somehow related to DD. Punishment, guilt, prevention or simply maintenance.

    1. Thank you for your perspective Rose! :)

  2. Anonymous5/31/2013

    Thanks for taking the time to put this on. Very helpful and informative. The mafia thing was definitely new news! Sara :)

    1. You're welcome Sara :)
      Thank you for suggesting the topic. I hope it's ok I coupled it with the Glossary update.

  3. Anonymous5/31/2013

    I our TTWDwe use light spanking only fro connection. never for correction. No punishment, reminder, maintenance..nada.

    1. People connect in so many different ways. So, not sure what you specifically mean by connection.
      Thank you for your view Mona Lisa.

  4. Yes, thank you for this clarification and update. I thought the Mafia history was pretty cool as well! I like to use both of these labels for our relationship because we not only live a DD dynamic, but also sometimes have a D/s element that goes farther than DD alone - the "TTWD" part I suppose. Everyone is truly different!

    1. Thank you for including your point of view Marie :)

  5. Anonymous6/01/2013

    Thanks, this was informative. I agree with Marie...we have both the DD dynamic & the D/s lifestyle intermingled in our TTWD relationship. We tend to use TTWD because is sums up the entirety of our lifestyle.

    1. Sara, Thank you for sharing your thoughts on TTWD.

  6. Dang! And here all this time I thought HOH stood for "Horny Old Husband."

    (Okay, I'm kidding, but I think it works just as well.)

  7. I have become so recently fascinated by this.... spanking of any kind is such a turn on for me I don't know if thats part of it being aroused by it...

  8. Spankos and Spanknos.(those who also use spankings playfully/sexually. And those who hate spankings of any kind so spankings are a horrible punishment.
    HoHJo we have used that phrase when a Hoh has not really been observant, following through, or kind of too busy and then he gets his HohJo back and rules and spankings are back with a vengeance. Yikes!

    1. Hi Blondie :) I wanted to begin with time honored distinctly DD terms, but "Spanko" has been around the spanking community a long time and is one that should make its way into this Glossary. And there are already Spankos who implore spanking of any kind and only consensually include spanking into their lives as a Disciplinary Action. (Disciplinary Action (DA) see Progression of Discipline post)


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