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Domestic Discipline Foundation: The 3 C's of DD

The Domestic Discipline Foundation is the common ground where all styles of DD relationship variations begin and continue. It consists of the 3 C's of DD: Consent, Communication and Consistency. While there are many ways to live our DD lives, there are some common denominators that have become The DD Foundation that people add to and build up from. The successful DD Home is built on that foundation. The DD Home becomes their unique variation of the Domestic Discipline lifestyle choice. 

There are many ways people decide to implement a Domestic Discipline lifestyle into their single lives and existing relationships. The ideas of a Domestic Discipline Foundation has been spoken about and discussed often on discussion groups, blogs and sites. It's a common part of the DD vernacular dating back to when people began to realize that DD was an individualized lifestyle choice and up to each person and couple as to the way it fit best for us in our lives.

This article will take a closer look at the importance of having a solid foundation to build a DD relationship upon. The important factors of beginning, growing, resetting or sustaining a successful Domestic Discipline Home is built on a solid DD Foundation.


With Consent there is care for the person Coming Out and the one who has just been Come Out to. With Communication there is a commitment to research and find what aspects of DD work best for each person and couple. With Consistency comes a continuation of a plan and process to move forward in an honest and happy relationship that includes negotiation and a responsibility to each persons role within the DD dynamic of the entire relationship.


Consent

Without Consent, there is no Domestic Discipline dynamic. It's that simple.
A Domestic Discipline lifestyle dynamic begins with both partners fully consenting to move forward and research the DD relationship choice. If in the beginning, or at any time afterward, one partner is unsure of the Consent to any of the DD style roles, goals, guidelines or rules being considered, patient care must be taken to re-negotiate and communicate until both partners agree 100% and understand the subject completely so they can fully give their consent. This may mean several or many discussions. If both people don't agree and give full consent, then the subject is tabled for the following Sit Down Discussion or scheduled for a later SitDD. If a certain subject in question is not resolved and full consent of both partners is not given, the particular aspect is not implemented into the relationship. Yes, the HoH has the responsibility to make the final decision on most issues or ideas that concern the relationship. But, this area of a DD lifestyle choice is not one of those areas. A persons physical being and emotional needs are their own at all times. A HoH or TiH may want a certain aspect they have read or seen in someone else's relationship, but that does not override Consent by both partners. This includes biblical readings or scripture. If someone points to a biblical passage in order to control or manipulate another person to do something against their will, is not acceptable in any relationship. If both partners agree and completely consent, then it can be implemented into the relationship.

Care in discussion is important for many reasons while working toward Consent. There are people who have secrets even from their long time spouse. While one person may want a DD ethos in their relationship, they may be unaware that their partner has dealt with issues that may surface while talking about the possibility of including anything to do with spanking or discipline in general.

Pushing forward and implementing something without consent is a form of abuse. It may be emotional abuse or if it has to do with anything in the area of spanking it can be considered physical abuse. If you cross this line and try to use "DD" as an excuse to manipulate someone, then you have left the Domestic Discipline description of what is commonly accepted as a DD relationship.

Refer to: Domestic Discipline CONSENT: DD is 100% Consensual

Communication

Communication is not only part of the DD Foundation, it is also commonly considered the first Key to DD.
When full Consent is given by both partners, the research begins and communication opens. One partner has most likely already done some research before Coming Out about DD, so they may have some places to begin. In other circumstances, when two single people meet and are both familiar with the DD Lifestyle, they then begin by discussing their thoughts and ideas on the subject and might also want to share information they have found. In either case, communication comes after initial Consent and will continue throughout the life of the relationship.

The Communication aspect of building your DD Foundation is also where the couple begins to work together as a single entity. Consent is understood and all the varying ideas and thoughts of how to proceed are discussed. Some initial conversations are the casual sharing of thoughts and ideas. One person explaining how feel about the concepts and practices of what they think a DD relationship could be and listening to their partners thoughts. Finding some initial common ground is very helpful. Discussing why you want this relationship choice and the needs you feel inside are also very helpful.
Where and how do we begin? What will be included as a part of the individual roles, responsibilities and guidelines? There are many questions at first, and it is sometimes tempting to jump right into the "spanking" and rules conversations. Domestic Discipline is a relationship style, but might sound like a kink or fetish to someone first hearing about it if the initial conversations are all focused around spanking, rules, dominant vs submissive roles and other areas that might sound more kinkish then relationship based. Begin with the focus on how a DD dynamic will improve and change your existing relationship. Communicate your needs and how the DD choice can express those needs. Nothing needs to be chiseled and set in stone. Initial conversations are a casual meeting of the minds and sharing of thoughts, needs and ideas. When research begins, is when there are more clarifications and questions answered. This is a patient process that will not begin overnight, or within a few days or weeks.

It's highly vital to begin by patiently building a plan and process to move forward after a few initial conversations. Part of the plan is researching the tools needed to set the DD Foundation and later build your DD home.
The first tool is an integral part of every successful DD home. It is the Sit Down Discussion.
The SitDD is the first part of the Communication plan. It is also the second step covered in The ADDS DD Lifestyle Guide  Within the free guide, there are the first tools suggested for any couple beginning, re-setting or revitalizing their Domestic Discipline lifestyle choice.

Refer to: Domestic Discipline: Communication is a Key to DD
     
Consistency

After Consent is given and understood, Communication has begun, SitDDs are implemented and there is an initial plan in place that includes tools, the process of continuation through Consistency will arise all by itself. The first gaps in the theories discussed initially will begin to surface. It's inevitable. Not to worry, this is a normal part of the process of including the DD lifestyle choice as part of your relationship. Working on openly communicating through honesty will bring up certain vulnerabilities and past defense mechanisms may reappear. It's in these areas that will arise, the discussions that come from them, and communicating through vulnerabilities and any difficulties successfully, that will build an even closer relationship into the future.

Consistency is something that is commonly discussed in every DD discussion group, DD chat room and on every DD blog written. It most commonly comes up from those who are beginning and wondering why they have hit a road block. Usually after the honeymoon period of about three months and during the first year of living a DD dynamic, the reality of this relationship choice begins to settle in.

It's not uncommon for one partner to slide back to a power struggle vs a Power Exchange. One person may want to control or manipulate how the other will live their new role or learn about their role. Preconceived notions of how your partner will live out their role within a DD relationship become less about theory, and the reality that your partners needs and how they feel about living their new role becomes more prevalent. Concerns that begin with "You" arise. "You" don't do this, or "You" don't do that, become nonconstructive parts of a persons thought process. If the "You or They" thoughts are something that is beginning to create road blocks, replace them with "I" thoughts. For example, "I" need to listen to my partners needs and thoughts of how their new role fits them best. "I" need to accept that how I imagined my partners new role, may not be the same as how they need to live their new role in reality. This can then lead to replacing statements that began with "You" with statements that begin with "I". Statements like "YOU need to... (do this or that)", can become statements like "I would appreciate if you'd consider... (this idea or that idea)"
Yes, the HoH is the leader, but not a dictator. Especially in the beginning of a DD relationship or re-setting or revitalizing a DD dynamic, it's important to build positive and consensual communication tools. As a DD relationship matures through time, and both partners needs are being met more readily, a re-negotiation of the Power Exchange can be addressed and more final decision making responsibility can be given to the HoH. But, when working on The DD Foundation, it's essential that communication be of a fully consensual nature to insure consistency into the future.

Also, if a Domestic Discipline lifestyle is begun from an over focus on rules and spanking and not enough basis in the long term reality of the relationship, the issue of Consistency will appear earlier and more often in the process of including your DD choice.

When openly honest communications begins, forgiveness needs to be included as something important in order to continue forward. Without forgiveness the honesty needed during discussions will become too difficult to continue. Also without forgiveness, old resentments may linger and begin to resurface after the initial excitement of beginning a new relationship dynamic. Cracks in the DD Foundation and a lapse in consistency can occur if these issues are not addressed in a calm and caring fashion.

Refer to: Domestic Discipline Relationship Consistency s ONE of the 3Cs of DD

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Here are some questions to ask that might help:
* Have you reviewed your Consent with yourself and your partner?
* As a couple, are you continuing with your Communication plan and scheduled Sit Down Discussions?
* Have you as a couple accepted Forgiveness into the honest and open communication process?
* Have you started fresh through your Communication plan and forgiveness and released all old resentments from the past?

If at anytime Communication begins to become sporadic or inconsistent in any way, Consistency will suffer and re-setting Consent and the Communication plan is needed immediately. Having a mutually understood DD Foundation and being able to review ones Consent and your Communication plan is a positive leap forward toward continued closeness and Consistency in your DD relationship.  

 After The DD Foundation, there is Research to do, tools to begin with and Keys to DD. All of these are more closely researched and included after a couple have Consent, begun Communication and are in the continuation built from the Consistency area of building their DD Foundation. Focusing on the relationship first is paramount. Including "Spanking", Rules, the agreed upon Power Exchange and other factors are blended into the relationship patiently with experimentation, negotiation and time.
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Related Reading Links:
* Domestic Discipline Lifestyle Definition
Domestic Discipline Reaffirmation & Appreciation
Domestic Discipline Relationship Characteristics: Ethics are a Key to DD
Domestic Discipline Forgiveness
Beginning Domestic Discipline Plan & Process / Your DD Plan
Domestic Discipline Marriage: Beginning a DD Marriage
Characteristics of a Head of Household (HoH)

Related Series Links (Chronologically, read each Series from bottom article Up)
Haven't Come Out yet? Begin here >>  Coming Out about DD & Spanking (Series)
Come Out & now Researching? >> DD Research Series
Researching & Ready to Begin, Re-Set or Revitalize > The ADDS DD Lifestyle Guide
Working Together, more in-depth DD Relationship Keys > Keys to DD
Beginning Recap and Review Series > Beginning DD & All DD Article for Review

10 comments :

  1. Consent and communication are easy. Constancy is the hard part. I haven't heard of the three c's before but they are necessary. Without them all you are left with is abuse.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Dragons Rose,
      True, Consistency isn't always easy but it's sustainable with Communication.
      The 3 C's are part of the tools I've developed over the past 15 years of working with people beginning their DD relationships. I've been helping people with this style of relationship choice for 25 years, but 15 yrs ago I began documenting and building the tools that are here on the ADDS site, and on ADDS discussion groups since 2005. The mnemonic devices seem to be helpful. :)

      Delete
    2. The consent is the easy part for most, however I find the consistency and communication go hand in hand. When consistency is lacking many tihs tend to pull back and communicate less.

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    3. I absolutely agree, consent, communication and consistency are all vital. We have discovered just how vital each of these are this year with having a hiatus from DD then re-instating it back into our relationship.

      The decision to pull back was sort of mutual, but ultimately consent was withdrawn and it has taken a lot of communication to work through the issues and get back on track and consistency has been vital right now in order to continue to steer us back on track and keep us there.

      On consistency, I would add that a lot is said about the need for the HoH to remain consistent. However, I think the onus is on both the HoH and TiH to remain consistent in their respective roles. We expect it from our HoH and he should be able to expect the same.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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    4. Hi Tasha, I agree Consent is usually easier for the person who first discovered DD and brought it to their partner. But, Consent can be more difficult for the person who is brand new to the idea.

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    5. Roz, "the onus is on both the HoH and TiH to remain consistent in their respective roles".... absolutely!
      Working together and learning more about ourselves, the responsibilities of our role within the relationship, leads to Consistency over time.

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  2. Without these C's, ttwd wouldn't work as well. Nice job.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Kenzie. It's something that I have noticed over the years and more so when I started documenting my findings the pat 15 years. Even though every DD relationship is unique, every relationship begins and continues through these three common denominators.

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  3. I've never seen it put quite like this before, but how true.
    Like many others, in our relationship the consent is the easier of the three. The other two seem to take more hard work.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It does take work to make a DD relationship dynamic work smoothly with consistency. But as we all know, it's well worth the time and effort :)

      Delete

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