Domestic Discipline Relationship Consistency is ONE of the 3C's of DD

Consistency is something that is discussed in every DD discussion group, DD chat room and on every DD blog written. It most commonly comes up from those who are beginning and wondering why they have hit a road block. Usually after the honeymoon period of about three months and during the first year of living a DD dynamic, the reality of this relationship choice begins to settle in, and it becomes evident that it takes dedication & Consistency.


Within this site, and every ADDS group going back to 2005, there has always been an open emphasis on Consent, Communication and Consistency, the 3C's of DD that form The DD Relationship Foundation. Consent is mentioned throughout everything discussed and Communication has been a major theme also... so it's time to discuss Consistency through Consent and Communication. 

Consistency

One of The 3C's of DD is Consistency. After a couple starts a DD style relationship or one partner in an existing relationship Comes Out about wanting and/or needing a DD dynamic in their relationship, Consent and what each person believes that means to them as an individual and couple is discussed. 

After Consent is discussed, understood and given and Communication has begun, SitDDs are implemented and there is an initial plan in place that includes tools, the process of continuation through Consistency will begin all by itself. Inevitably, some gaps in the theories discussed initially will begin to surface. It always happens. Not to worry, this is a normal part of the process of including the DD lifestyle choice as part of your relationship. Working on openly communicating through honesty will bring up certain vulnerabilities and past defense mechanisms may reappear. It's in these areas, the discussions that come from them, and communicating through difficulties successfully, that will build an even closer relationship into the future.

It's not uncommon for one partner to slide back to a Vanilla relationship style power struggle vs a consensual Lifestyle Power Exchange. One person may want to control or manipulate how the other will live their new role or learn about their role. Preconceived notions of how your partner will live out their role within a DD relationship become less about theory, and the reality that your partners needs and how they feel about living their new role becomes more prevalent. Just because someone has thought about living this dynamic for a long time, does not mean the new partner will agree completely. 
For example: A person has wanted to live as a TiH in a DD relationship for a long time. They have researched the subject and have Come Out to their partner. The partner researches the role of HoH and agrees, communication opens and both Consent to moving forward as HoH & TiH in a DD style relationship. Shortly thereafter, the new HoH isn't living their role exactly as the TiH partner had previously imagined. This is normal, these are the gaps that need to be communicated through. Without a set Communication process Consistency will begin to break down.

Blaming a partner or wanting them to conform to preconceived ideas of what "their" role should be are Red Flags to keep an eye out for...

Concerns that begin with "You" arise. "You" don't do this, or "You" don't do that, become nonconstructive parts of a persons thought process. If the "You or They" thoughts are something that is beginning to create road blocks, replace them with "I" thoughts. For example, "I" need to listen to my partners needs and thoughts of how their new role fits them best. "I" need to accept that how I imagined my partners new role, may not be the same as how they need to live their new role in reality. This can then lead to replacing statements that began with "You" with statements that begin with "I". Statements like "YOU need to... (do this or that)", can become statements like "I would appreciate if you'd consider... (this idea or that idea)"

Communication needs be of a fully consensual nature to insure consistency into the future.
Yes, the HoH is the leader, but not a dictator. Especially in the beginning of a DD relationship or re-setting or revitalizing a DD dynamic, it's important to build positive and consensual communication tools. As a DD relationship matures through time, and both partners needs are being met more readily, a re-negotiation of the Power Exchange can be addressed and more final decision making responsibility can be given to the HoH if that's what is wanted or needed. 

When openly honest communications begins, forgiveness needs to be included as something important in order to continue forward. Without forgiveness the honesty needed during discussions will become too difficult to continue. Also without forgiveness, old resentments may linger and begin to resurface after the initial excitement of beginning a new relationship dynamic. Cracks in the DD Foundation and a lapse in consistency can occur if these issues are not addressed in a calm and caring fashion.

Here are some questions to ask that might be helpful:
* Have you reviewed Consent with your partner?
* As a couple, are you continuing with your Communication plan and scheduled Sit Down Discussions?
* Have you as a couple accepted Forgiveness into the honest and open communication process?
* Have you started fresh through your Communication plan and forgiveness and released all old resentments from the past?

You may have noticed I didn't bring up the "consistency" of how often spanking is administered in a DD relationship.  If a Domestic Discipline lifestyle is begun from an over emphasis on rules and spanking and not enough focus on the long term reality of the semantics within the relationship, the issue of Consistency will appear earlier and more often. 
Play and have fun while experimenting with the "spanking" side of your new relationship dynamic. Disciplinary aspects of spanking can come along more slowly and patiently through the process. This serves a few purposes. Especially if the HoH is new, they'll need time to learn how to spank their partner in different ways for different reasons for different outcomes in different situations with different inflections and intentions.... the possibilities here are endless. Also, among other purposes, is the fact that coming up with effective rules that actually work well, takes time and solid communication first. 

If at anytime Communication begins to become sporadic or inconsistent in any way, Consistency will suffer and re-setting Consent and the Communication plan is needed immediately. Having a mutually understood DD Foundation and being able to review ones Consent and your Communication plan is a positive leap forward toward continued closeness and Consistency in your DD relationship.
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Related Article Links:
* Domestic Discipline Foundation & The 3C's of DD* Domestic Discipline Lifestyle Definition
Domestic Discipline Reaffirmation & Appreciation
Domestic Discipline Relationship Characteristics: Ethics are a Key to DD
Domestic Discipline Forgiveness
Beginning Domestic Discipline Plan & Process / Your DD Plan
Domestic Discipline Marriage: Beginning a DD Marriage
Characteristics of a Head of Household (HoH)

Related Series Links (Chronologically, after clicking, read each Series from bottom article Up)
Haven't Come Out yet? Begin here >>  Coming Out about DD & Spanking (Series)
Come Out & now Researching? >> DD Research Series
Researching & Ready to Begin, Re-Set or Revitalize > The ADDS DD Lifestyle Guide
Working Together, more in-depth DD Relationship Keys > Keys to DD
Beginning Recap and Review Series > Beginning DD & All DD Article for Review