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Domestic Discipline Confession

Domestic Discipline style Confessing

Confessing a misdeed is one area many TiHs find very difficult. 
Especially for a newer Taken in Hand  style submissive... 

A true DD relationship includes the TiH being completely honest in the agreed upon Power Exchange... even when the HOH is not around. And that is where Confessing plays a key role in a successful Domestic Discipline lifestyle.

In the beginning of a Domestic Discipline relationship, and from time to time thereafter, the Head of Household & TiH have discussions and some negotiation about the rules and boundaries that shape their particular Power Exchange dynamic. It is vitally important for the HoH to follow through within their household & disciplinary responsibilities. It is just as important for the TiH to follow through with their part in what has been decided. A good HoH is not a dictator and doesn't want to "micro manage" their TiH. So, it is imperative that the submissive partner follow through with their agreed upon household rules of behavior, and also with the certain points the TiH has brought forward for their personal goalsachievements and  other areas of need that they have asked their HoH to help them attain.

A true DD relationship includes the TiH being completely honest in the agreed upon Power Exchange... even when the HOH is not around. And that is where Confessing plays a key role in a successful Domestic Discipline lifestyle. Honesty is another key to a successful DD relationship that we'll be discussing later on this blog.

Holding in lies or secret shame will weigh you down emotionally in a relationship. Face it, we all have downfalls and make mistakes. Confessing our misdeeds will help the body, mind and soul. By admitting out loud that we have at times failed to measure up to our own standards, we can realize the universal nature of failing and free ourselves from the weight of guilt and shame.
Psychologically speaking, this effect is called catharsis. Catharsis is so important in the process of moving forward in a Domestic Discipline lifestyle relationship. The word catharsis is derived from the Greek word for cleansing or purification. Crying, screaming, and punching the air...  these are all physical manifestations of negative emotion leaving the body. When we confess, our internal guilt and shame are leaving our body through our words and actions. Through reliving, acknowledging, and analyzing traumatic events, we can begin to overcome them. From Aristotle to Freud, philosophers, theologians, and psychologists have all touted the positive power of proper confessions.
Emotions are sometimes likened to liquids... "they can build up",  "pressure and boil over." This is called the hydraulic model of emotions. As pressure from negative emotions build they need to be vented to prevent the whole system from exploding. Repressing the thoughts or emotions cause them to build and build over time, which ultimately results in psychosis and cognitive impairment.
The act of confession is essential in a DD lifestyle relationship. It is an acknowledgement of the flawed nature of humans, but our willingness to try our best. Through admission and acts of penance, we can achieve forgiveness from our loved ones.
So go ahead, admit it. Shout it out. Own it. Yes, I did something I’m not proud of. But you know what else? I learned from it and I’m a better person now. I’ll probably do something else wrong in the future. But I’ll grow and become better from that experience too.

Please...  share an answer on just one or a few of the questions, share your own opinion on Confessing: 

   For TiHs new and experienced 
How difficult do you think it would be, was it, or is it still... for you to Confess a misdeed or broken rule when you know the outcome will be some type of Disciplinary Action?

   HoHs & TiHs: 
How important is Confessing in your DD lifestyle?

Do you include any type of "ritual" while the TiH is Confessing a transgression? (a particular pillow to kneel on, or in certain room, at a certain time... etc)

   HoHs newer & experienced: 
How would you, have you, or do you... enable your loving TiH partner to feel more comfortable approaching you to Confess an infraction, without shirking any of your responsibilities?

When you know it has been agreed, and has to be the outcome, how difficult is it to always follow through with a spanking or further disciplinary action when your loved one has just Confessed to failing to complete part or all of a goal that you know they have worked so hard to attain?

Related Reading & Research:
Where to Start: Beginning your DD Lifestyle Together > ADDS Free DD Lifestyle Guide
Coming Out about Spanking & Domestic Discipline Desires


  1. Anonymous9/22/2012

    When I read this I felt like I was exhaling. Thank you. This is so well written I can't wait to show my husband, we are learning so much from you and this blog. This is clearly the best ever

  2. I think confessing is tremendously important. True, it can sometimes be very difficult to do when you know you will be punished. Once a punishment is over though, you both get to put the issue behind and move forward with a clean slate. Much, much easier than carrying around a burden of guilt. That same guilt prevents true intimacy as well. Thank you for such an imformative post.

  3. Anonymous9/23/2012

    I have learned that it is much harder to lie, and conceal a misdeed, than to just confess it. I feel embarassed, but know that in order to move on, and release the guilt- I first need to own up to my error, seek forgiveness and if need be- take my lumps. ;).
    Sometimes, when I get called out, before I have had a chance to confess- that makes me feel just sick to my stomach. I prefer to come forth with the error, than to be found out.
    We are relatively new to this and still are ironing out the kinks on method of discipline, but sometimes, just the discussion is enough for me to get the point.

  4. Confession does definitely unburden the soul. I agree with Cowgirl above that it is very difficult to carry around a burden of guilt and it does interfere with intimacy, so as difficult as it is in the moment, or the consequences of confession, a lighter step is worth the effort. :)

  5. Thank you for this blog! Loved it! :)

  6. Confession for me is the easiest part of all this... We are so new I feel I am doing everything wrong. I am one of those people that wear all my emotions in my face & body language so confession seems inevitable.


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