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Domestic Discipline Forgiveness

Within love there is forgiveness...  without forgiveness, love does not exist in a meaningful long term DD lifestyle relationship.

“To err is human, to forgive, divine.” - Alexander Pope ~ Poet

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”  - Ghandi


This one word evokes so many deep feelings. It may summon feelings of guilt or possibly even shame. But, without being forgiven the guilt and possible shame can linger. Within a DD relationship dynamic after the disciplinary action, and during the aftercare the forgiveness begins and grows. Partners in a DD lifestyle understand that all is forgiven and they can move forward without hidden resentments building. It's done, it's over and forgiven.  

It is said that forgiveness is not only for the person who is forgiven, but also for the one forgiving.

Forgiveness can bring people from spanking as playrole play and foreplay into also seeking & establishing a deeper Domestic Discipline lifestyle dynamic.

Let go, find resolution, forgive yourself, forgive the person... until you realize forgiveness, the moment stays with you, you cannot move forward.

In order to have a healthy and positive Domestic Discipline relationship we must learn to ask for, receive, accept and give forgiveness. There are of course many other characteristics of a healthy DD relationship such as trust, honesty, communication and a willingness to lead as a HoH or be Taken in Hand to just name few. Forgiveness still remains as a key to a positive DD lifestyle relationship. Without it, resentments will grow and leadership becomes muddled at best.

When it comes to relationships of any kind, there will always be disagreements, different opinions, and moments of frustration. How we deal with this drama is crucial for relationship success.
If we go through life holding onto resentment and cynicism, this negativity will build and build, ultimately leading to a relationship full of animosity.
However, if we can learn to forgive one another and let go of bitterness and insult, our relationships can actually improve. 

Holding a grudge will fuel conflict. In vanilla relationships where the leadership role is unclear they start to notice all the things the other one is doing wrong and may even take a stance of “getting even” or trying to gain the upper-hand. At this point, negative feelings and conflict become a common occurrence and a cycle that is hard to break.
It becomes very difficult to have a productive relationship when we can’t move past the hur feelings someone may have caused us. That's why discipline, aftercare, and forgiveness are so important in a loving and caring DD lifestyle relationship. It’s through forgiveness that we can strive to mend past mistakes, and lead our Household forward. We can take on a new perspectives, foster positive communication and a more empathetic approach.

Making an effort to improve a relationship and doing what it takes to have positive interactions is required for relationship longevity. HoH partners in a relationship must also be being willing to regulate their TiHs behavior in a positive way that benefits their TiHs short and long-term goals, and the goals of the relationship. 
Focusing on long and short-term goals can prevent arguments and other offensive behavior that may lead to further behavior issues that can lead to a "spank only" kind of DD relationship. This is an area where newer HoHs and many, many Mentors and Teachers of DD fall short. They focus only on the negative or just when and how to discipline. There is so much more to a real Domestic Discipline lifestyle choice, and forgiveness is a key component of a loving and long lasting DD relationship. I suggest using a full Sit Down Discussion to express to each other what forgiveness means to each of you.

When we truly invest in a DD relationship, our behavior and interactions will reflect this. Forgiveness allows us to move beyond emotions of the moment and consider how we want the relationship to be in future.

Forgiveness can be a healing aspect for a couple starting out their DD lifestyle after they have already been together. It allows us to think more clearly and rationally and approach situations with a collective focus. And for HoHs, after discipline has been administered we just have to wipe the slate clean and let go.                                    


                            When the Disciplinary Action is over and the aftercare has begun...

Let go, find resolution, forgive yourself, forgive the situation... until you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.

Related Reading & Research:
Where to Start: Beginning your DD Lifestyle Together > ADDS Free DD Lifestyle Guide
Coming Out about Spanking & Domestic Discipline Desires
How to Start DD Research (Series)Domestic Discipline Marriage: Beginning A Domestic Discipline Marriage 

This article is the latest in a continuing series titled: KEYS to a Domestic Discipline Relationship
All of these below also make excellent SitDD topics.
1) Communication is a Key to DD
2) Domestic Discipline Honesty
3) Domestic Discipline Confession
4) Domestic Discipline Aftercare
5) Domestic Discipline Forgiveness
6) Domestic Discipline Relationship Characteristics: Ethics are a Key to DD
7) Domestic Discipline Key to DD: Patience


  1. Anonymous11/18/2012

    This is a beautiful article. Forgiveness is the reason we started a DD area to our marriage. We have never been happier.

  2. I too love this aspect of a DD lifestyle relationship! :)


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