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Domestic Discipline Honesty

Honesty is one of the "Keys" that unlocks a door to your successful Domestic Discipline relationship dynamic. As it was mentioned in the Domestic Discipline Confession article published within the ADDS series Keys to a Domestic Discipline Relationship, being honest and confessing or "coming clean" are vital to a successful DD dynamic.

“A 'No' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.” - Mahatma Gandhi

HONESTY is a Two Way Street.
Have you ever told a little white lie? Little lies are all too common in relationships of every kind. Confessing to a loved one can be highly emotive, especially if the untruth has been there from the beginning or was left as an omitted piece of information for a long time. Usually someone feels that if they confess a past omission or manipulation it can hurt the relationship or make it more difficult for their partner to trust them in the future. The bare truth is, honesty leads to honesty. Revealing a past mistake to the one you love can have a highly cathartic effect and will often lead to their own feelings of mutual trust and honesty. Honesty leads both partners to a more open and intimate discussion and communication dynamic. There can be a positive "snow ball" effect where it becomes easier through time to become more and more open.

Another "key" to a Domestic Discipline relationship is Forgiveness. It's important to reflect more deeply on the effect forgiveness has on honesty and confessing at this time. When someone admits they made a mistake within the past day or two and ask for help or forgiveness it can be a easier for the one being told to be forgiving. The recipient of the truth will invariably place a degree of importance on the confession. We've all done it. We may simply think, "well that wasn't so bad", "it only happened yesterday" or  possibly the "Oh my God! You've been keeping that secret for HOW long?" It's the last one that the person sharing the truth fears the most. So, maybe the person who is being confessed to needs to take a moment and understand that the worse they think the confession is to them, is also a gauge of how difficult that was to tell you! I'll put it this way. If it's something that is difficult for you to hear, just imagine how highly difficult it must have been to actually say! It is vitally important to have a calm demeanor at this time.

If you feel like your confession is so larger that it will possibly end your relationship, I would suggest considering seeking out a professional counselor. If your are told about anything you feel has the possibility of ending your relationship, I would suggest considering seeking out a professional counselor.

If you're the one confessing, remain calm and understand beforehand that you might not receive the reaction you wanted right from the beginning. That doesn't mean the the eventual outcome won't be freeing, cathartic and lead to the growth of honesty in your relationship. It's suggested that you have a plan of action for forgiveness and rebuilding trust before making a huge confession.

If you're the one being confessed to, be empathetic. No one is perfect and that means you too. Remember your relationship might not be free of all of the old remnants of past habits that you are both trying to break away from. Your partner must understand the need for growth and honesty if they are willing to trust you enough to come to you and open up about something difficult for them to share. The growth of honest communication can begin and be solidified with this opportunity. Yes, I said opportunity. This can be viewed as an opportunity to grow within your DD relationship role by showing patience and an understanding of your partners needs. They trusted you enough to tell you. Let your love be strong enough to know how difficult that was.

About 10 years ago, one of the couples I have had the honor of helping with their DD dynamic came to an impasse while having a Sit Down Discussion (SitDD) focused specifically on the DD Key of Honesty, but went on to include Confession & Forgiveness within their SitDD.  They came up with a variation to an ADDS Communication tool. Using the Tolerance Ladder as an Honesty communication tool. 
Have you mentioned something in the past and you thought it was a small confession, but your partner thought it was monumental? What is your tolerance for hearing something difficult or receiving feedback that you didn't imagine? What is your partners long term tolerance for hearing the truth even if they don't initially react well?
Basically, is there a large gap between what one person feels is a low end confession compared to what their partner thinks is a high end confession? 
Plan ahead. Think back on a time where you told your partner something you thought would be very hard to tell them, and also very hard for them to hear. Did they react the way you imagined they would? Did you react well or badly to their initial reaction?
Building the framework upon your DD foundation is very important. Even if there is nothing to confess at the moment, it's suggested that you build within your relationship a basic framework of "How To" confess and what are acceptable predetermined reactions within the Power Exchange of your relationship. 
To foster continued growth, use and modify existing tools that break down walls and build bridges within your relationship.

We have shared often about the importance of DD Communication techniques and how consistently having Sit Down Discussions become an integral communication tool within your successful DD relationship. 

This week we would also like to share a DD Community Sit Down Discussion.
HoHs: Have a SitDD with your TiH partner based on:

1) The importance of Honesty in your DD relationship dynamic.
2) Build the framework & bridge for honestly Confessing 
3) The importance of Forgiveness after confession

If you would like to share to help others learn that would be appreciated.
Share here, a blog or email through Contact MrBB tab with your results or if you need assistance.   
Honesty is a "Key" to a successful Domestic Discipline lifestyle dynamic.

Related Reading & Research:
Where to Start: Beginning your DD Lifestyle Together > ADDS Free DD Lifestyle Guide
Coming Out about Spanking & Domestic Discipline Desires
How to Start DD Research (Series)Domestic Discipline Marriage: Beginning A Domestic Discipline Marriage 

This article is the latest in a continuing series titled: KEYS to a Domestic Discipline Relationship
All of these below also make excellent SitDD topics.
1) Communication is a Key to DD
2) Domestic Discipline Honesty
3) Domestic Discipline Confession
4) Domestic Discipline Aftercare
5) Domestic Discipline Forgiveness
6) Domestic Discipline Relationship Characteristics: Ethics are a Key to DD
7) Domestic Discipline Key to DD: Patience



  1. Anonymous11/25/2012

    We have been reading this blog together. We are having our first SitDD tonight. We are starting slow like you teach and also having two a week since we are beginning. We are using the Sit Down Discussion post as a guide for our 1st SitDD. We will be using this post as a guide for our second one. Thank you for all this very helpful information. We will using your free DD guide.

    1. I'm happy you are finding the information here helpful. Please remember it is meant as more of a guide then as an instruction manual. My hope is that the site will continue to provide interesting ideas, information & resources you can use in your discussions & mold into your individual DD lifestyle dynamic.

  2. I noticed right after this article was posted, The Sit Down Discussion post has become very popular again :) And I've been getting more emails & IMs then usual, mostly asking about this article and SitDDs. Those of you using the Free DD Guide that need some additional information or specific questions answered can email and I will as always be here to help.

  3. I like the idea. I think that honesty can make or break a relationship. It is the fear of not being forgiven that causes a lot of the dishonesty. But DD won't work without. Great article

    1. Thanks Blondie :)
      I agree on the importance of Honesty! It's a "Key" that the DD dynamic just can't survive successfully without.

  4. All the "Keys to DD" are vital to a long term successful DD relationship. So far there are 5 "Keys" listed on the ADDS site, and the "Keys to a Domestic Discipline Relationship" is a continuing series.

  5. Anonymous11/27/2012

    GREAT info! This was really wonderful. Many thanks, I look forward to reading more.

  6. I've been reading all your articles and have posted comments on the DD Boot Camp Revealed article. I wondered whether you would be able to reply to my comments please as it took a lot of deep breaths to write them and now I feel very uncertain and a bit nervous. Thank you very much. Best wishes, Ami

    1. Yes Ami, thank you for following the ADDS blog and I promise to respond. "HONESTLY"! :) I've fallen a little behind on emailing people back because I answer everyone as it comes in, but if you could email me thru the gmail address listed on the Contact MrBB tab, I promise to get right back to you Ami. The reply to your comment on the DD Boot Camp post is going to take a nice long email. I looked for your email addy when you posted it, but it's not listed with your profile when I clicked on your name.

    2. Ami's original questions are on "Boot Camp REVEALED!" article:
      I answered everything in detail within emails shared with Ami. She thought posting some of it might be helpful to someone else, and I agree. The answers are posted on "DD Boot Camp REVEALED!" article. The answers are highly edited from the email to fit the blog format.
      And she told her husband... more about that on the What is Domestic Discipline post comments. whew! :)

  7. We included this as part of our first discussion this past weekend. Thank you for the post and the idea.

    1. My pleasure Jacquie. Would love to hear how it went :)
      (and hope you're feeling better, after being sick too)


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