Beginning Domestic Discipline Plan & Process / Your DD Plan

Domestic Discipline as a lifestyle relationship foundation takes time, patience, planning and a process forward in a positive direction. Basically, it takes work. Working on your relationship, no matter what style of life you decide to live, is important for a happy and successful relationship or marriage. It's no different for those who decide to live a consensual Domestic Discipline style of life. You need a Plan.


What I read on Discussion Groups and blogs is just the surface of what someone will email, IM or talk about in a private contact. What is you DD Plan? This is a common question I ask when someone contacts me and is frustrated with their current DD situation.

Their HoH isn't learning fast enough, doesn't spank enough, spanks too much, doesn't feel confident yet, isn't reading enough or learning enough to keep up -or- their TiH is pushing, say they want this but then won't submit or agree with decisions, TiH is rushing everything and they feel lost as a new HoH but can't say it to them in fear that their new leadership role would look weak. Married for many years but the other partner thinks "DD" should just happen the way they read about. 

First of all, DD doesn't just happen. It's not just some "thing" we do. A respectful consensual DD relationship of any kind takes time, patience and effort from both people. If your single and dating or in a new marriage your learning process will be very different then those who are married many years and then begin their DD relationship dynamic. But one of the aspects is a common denominator. 

You need to have a plan. 

You need to open discussions to create a consensual plan. You need to continue scheduled discussions to carry out your consensual plan. Those discussions need to be scheduled at least twice a week in the beginning or often times they fall to the side and old or unproductive patterns will arise. Progress becomes a more smooth path when there is a definite communication and discussion plan in place. There will inevitably be moments of frustration, and those who have been building their communication skills openly and honestly will have the necessary tools to make the changes needed to transform their moments of frustration into an opportunity for growth. Building a positive pattern promotes further and more continuous growth. Those who jump past building communication skills and having a plan in place first, will only slow their long term growth by having to go through more frequent bouts of difficulty that will last longer until they finally have a plan in place to move past those hours, days or weeks of hardship. Nothing worthwhile is easy.  
Have you seen "Communication is a Key to DD"? Unless this is the first time you have read a DD blog, then I'm sure you've seen it here and all over the DD discussion and blog world. If Communication is a Key to DD, then we might as well consider your DD Plan the steps leading up to the porch of you DD Home. Basically without a plan, you won't get to the front door long enough to use your keys!


Do they have a plan?

If a friend or someone you're helping is struggling a little, it's natural and not uncommon for times of growth to follow. Be patient and supportive. Try and let them work things out without telling them what to do. No matter how much experience someone has, it's important for each couple to build their own DD foundation in an individual way that will work best for their long term success. Give a man a fish.... have you heard that one?  If they continue to struggle often without some "Get it!" or "Light Bulb" moments of growth afterward, simply ask, "What's you plan to get past this?" If there is no plan, often the reply will include directing the struggle to their partner and what the other person isn't doing. Listen to unrealized expectations and words like He, she, they. The blame game is sometimes deeply rooted in long time or even newer relationship and is never the answer for long term DD growth. 


Do you have a plan?

When you find your own progression stalled, as a HoH it's your responsibility to step up and lead your relationship forward. It's a TiH partners responsibility to support and help create the plan. Both partners need to follow through.

Many of the readers here have begun using the ADDS DD Lifestyle Guide featured here on this site as their plan. It's been developed purposely over 15 years to be patiently worked into a relationship while not invading the individuality of the couple. It begins with the importance of Where to Begin & Sit Down Discussions. It has communication and basic real life tools that work. If you have read this or any other blog more then once you already know that Communication is often talked about as a Key To DD. The couples and single people I have helped and spoken to over the years that have succeeded more quickly into a happy DD relationship, have been those who have patiently worked on their relationship skills through communication rather then rush to force someone to be Dominant or submissive in only a few short months. And the myth that buying a book or anything that will  magically start your lasting DD relationship in only days... is just that, a myth. There is no magic spell, book or quick fix. People need to find their roles from within and what this lifestyle means to them in reality. That takes time, patience, planning and a process.
Basically, you need a plan.

1st in DD Research Series - How to Start Domestic Discipline Research: What is DD to Me & Eliminating Confusion

ADDS Free DD Lifestyle Guide - "Where to Begin" Series

Domestic Discipline Communication Article -   Communication is a Key to DD

The original Free DD Boot Camp "How To" Guide - DD Boot Camp REVEALED!