** ADDS is Your Worldwide Domestic Discipline Community Home Page!

All members & readers of A Domestic Discipline Society discussion groups, social sites & blog. Collectively you made ADDS the largest, most read, most active Domestic Discipline Community worldwide. We promise to continue to present only the best DD information, news & resources. Thank you for making ADDS your DD HOME PAGE for Everything DD!


Beginning Domestic Discipline Plan & Process / Your DD Plan

Domestic Discipline as a lifestyle relationship foundation takes time, patience, planning and a process forward in a positive direction. Basically, it takes work. Working on your relationship, no matter what style of life you decide to live, is important for a happy and successful relationship or marriage. It's no different for those who decide to live a consensual Domestic Discipline style of life. You need a Plan.

What I read on Discussion Groups and blogs is just the surface of what someone will email, IM or talk about in a private contact. What is you DD Plan? This is a common question I ask when someone contacts me and is frustrated with their current DD situation.

Their HoH isn't learning fast enough, doesn't spank enough, spanks too much, doesn't feel confident yet, isn't reading enough or learning enough to keep up -or- their TiH is pushing, say they want this but then won't submit or agree with decisions, TiH is rushing everything and they feel lost as a new HoH but can't say it to them in fear that their new leadership role would look weak. Married for many years but the other partner thinks "DD" should just happen the way they read about. 

First of all, DD doesn't just happen. It's not just some "thing" we do. A respectful consensual DD relationship of any kind takes time, patience and effort from both people. If your single and dating or in a new marriage your learning process will be very different then those who are married many years and then begin their DD relationship dynamic. But one of the aspects is a common denominator. 

You need to have a plan

You need to open discussions to create a consensual plan. You need to continue scheduled discussions to carry out your consensual plan. Those discussions need to be scheduled at least twice a week in the beginning or often times they fall to the side and old or unproductive patterns will arise. Progress becomes a more smooth path when there is a definite communication and discussion plan in place. There will inevitably be moments of frustration, and those who have been building their communication skills openly and honestly will have the necessary tools to make the changes needed to transform their moments of frustration into an opportunity for growth. Building a positive pattern promotes further and more continuous growth. Those who jump past building communication skills and having a plan in place first, will only slow their long term growth by having to go through more frequent bouts of difficulty that will last longer until they finally have a plan in place to move past those hours, days or weeks of hardship. Nothing worthwhile is easy.  
Have you seen "Communication is a Key to DD"? Unless this is the first time you have read a DD blog, then I'm sure you've seen it here and all over the DD discussion and blog world. If Communication is a Key to DD, then we might as well consider your DD Plan the steps leading up to the porch of you DD Home. Basically without a plan, you won't get to the front door long enough to use your keys!

Do they have a plan?

If a friend or someone you're helping is struggling a little, it's natural and not uncommon for times of growth to follow. Be patient and supportive. Try and let them work things out without telling them what to do. No matter how much experience someone has, it's important for each couple to build their own DD foundation in an individual way that will work best for their long term success. Give a man a fish.... have you heard that one?  If they continue to struggle often without some "Get it!" or "Light Bulb" moments of growth afterward, simply ask, "What's you plan to get past this?" If there is no plan, often the reply will include directing the struggle to their partner and what the other person isn't doing. Listen to unrealized expectations and words like He, she, they. The blame game is sometimes deeply rooted in long time or even newer relationship and is never the answer for long term DD growth. 

Do you have a plan?

When you find your own progression stalled, as a HoH it's your responsibility to step up and lead your relationship forward. It's a TiH partners responsibility to support and help create the plan. Both partners need to follow through.

Many of the readers here have begun using the ADDS DD Lifestyle Guide featured here on this site as their plan. It's been developed purposely over 15 years to be patiently worked into a relationship while not invading the individuality of the couple. It begins with the importance of Where to Begin & Sit Down Discussions. It has communication and basic real life tools that work. If you have read this or any other blog more then once you already know that Communication is often talked about as a Key To DD. The couples and single people I have helped and spoken to over the years that have succeeded more quickly into a happy DD relationship, have been those who have patiently worked on their relationship skills through communication rather then rush to force someone to be Dominant or submissive in only a few short months. And the myth that buying a book or anything that will  magically start your lasting DD relationship in only days... is just that, a myth. There is no magic spell, book or quick fix. People need to find their roles from within and what this lifestyle means to them in reality. That takes time, patience, planning and a process.
Basically, you need a plan.

1st in DD Research Series - How to Start Domestic Discipline Research: What is DD to Me & Eliminating Confusion

ADDS Free DD Lifestyle Guide - "Where to Begin" Series

Domestic Discipline Communication Article -   Communication is a Key to DD

The original Free DD Boot Camp "How To" GuideDD Boot Camp REVEALED!


  1. Anonymous1/20/2013

    I cant stop reading. I am new here and love all the information!

    1. Thanks! I hope you continue to find the ADDS site interesting & informative :)

  2. I wish I had this three years ago when JJ and I started our DD relationship! We've waded the waters but we're well on our way now. I love what I'm reading here so far! Thanks for the great information.


    1. You are very welcome, and thank you for the kind compliments.
      I look forward to reading your blog too. I went there and enjoy your writing style and how you share your DD life :)

  3. Anonymous1/23/2013

    I agree about having a plan. Before we had a plan we were always stating and stopping. When we started a real plan that all stopped.

  4. Like Kady, I wish that I had all this information when we first started ttwd. Actually, when we started, we didn't even know that other people were doing it or that there was a name for it. Lol

    1. Hi Blondie, I hope the information is useful to new and experienced people alike. It's an ever growing relationship dynamic that can be continually cultivated through the years to fit each couples needs :)

  5. Anonymous1/29/2013

    Hi we are not in a dd realtionship as yet but after about six months of reading and trying to get my head round it i really know this is what i want but i really feel i need someone to talk a little more about it. My husband has only ever spanked me in a playful type way usually when we are being intimate. I really surprised myself by telling him a couple of days ago that I wanted to be disciplined and punished for real and to be given a real spanking I have written a letter to him explaining in more detail But like i have been over the last six months I am scarred to give it to hm. First and propably mostly i am afraid that he will not accept it - when i told him that I was quite surprised at his reaction while he didnt just jump and do something ( I knew he wouldn't n) but he just expressed resevervations that he didn't want to hurt me. I said I thought he was meaning that hurt meant - injury and I reasurred him that the type of spanking i was talking about was not likely to injur me. He sort of seem to accept that. I asked him to think about it and he didn't say no. I also feel afraid secondly because I am scarred of the actual spanking but i know thats natural and there would be something wrong with me if i didnt fear it. I just want your advice as to how to proceed i am really afraid of putting him off but its taken so long to say those words and I sort of feel i should keep the ball rollling please can you get back to me soon this is really getting to me i just feel i can't put it off much longer. the reason I want to have this in my life is becuase of my bad temper - and thats a really long story and also i am realizing i have little or no self discipline in my life so thats why i feel i need taken in hand.

    please please help

    1. Jane, helping people out when they're beginning their DD dynamic is something I have been doing for years, and I am very comfortable with helping you out. Please email me.

  6. Hi, I too am completely new to the DD lifestyle and until recently never knew it existed. When I was a child the only way I could be held in check was when my mother physically punished me. It's only now 34years later that I realise that I need this sort of dynamic in my life. I've made some very bad choices in my life and I wanr/need/crave to change them. I met a guy online a while back and we started chatting on the phone, emailing etc.we both want a DD relationship however where he has experience I have none. I want to learn as much as I possibly can. I don't think I could ever be in a 'vanilla' relationship again and although this feels so right it also still feels like there's something wrong with me. I've a stubborn, rebellious nature and can have a temper problem. I don't want to ruin a fledgling relationship. Like Jane I'm also a bit wary of the punishment side as he has said if I've been really bad or its a repeated offense shell use a cane. If I'm wary of the spanking I'm shaking at the thought of a cane.
    Please help.


CLICK! banner below for Free & Original DD Boot Camp Information